Would You Say That To My Face?

I love the internet.  I love being able to reach out to people far away in an instant and the ability find out any information I need, from a recipe for lasagna to how to fix a leaking toilet to hypochondriacally (if that is not a real word, too bad) diagnosing myself or a family member, just a few keystrokes away.

However, as with everything, with the good comes the bad.

My 11-year old got a PS Vita for Christmas.  With it, he can play games online against others.  He is good at video games and good at sports, and when playing a sports video game, well, watch out!  He has trouble in school due to his learning disabilities, so he takes a lot of pride in how well he does with the things he excels in.

He is currently at his dad’s for a week, and took the PS Vita with him.  About an hour and a half ago, I got a phone call.  It was my son, speaking in a tone of voice that I knew meant he was about to burst out into tears.  I asked him what was wrong, and he said “Nothing.”  I told him I could tell by hearing him he was upset, and asked was there something he wanted to talk about.  He hung up on me.  That would be Aiden-speak for “Yes, there is something very wrong!”

I called him back.  When he finally picked up the phone, I could hear his dad speaking to him in the background in an exasperated tone, with his last words being “you need to talk to your mom.”  I asked Aiden what he needed to be talking to me about.  “Nothing.”  The most I could get out of him was he wanted to come home, with boredom being his excuse.  I told him I was only asking him what was wrong because I was worried about him because he sounded like he was going to cry, not because he was in trouble for anything.  I told him I loved him.  I told him that if there was something bothering him, I didn’t mind listening at any time, he can even call me at work.  He said “Ok, well talk to you tomorrow.”

I texted his dad….apparently Aiden was in the middle of a huge meltdown, had been throwing things and yelling and said he was going to sell his video games on ebay.  His dad still doesn’t fully understand the ADD and sensory processing issues and I think he was overwhelmed himself , which unfortunately can just make things worse.  Eventually his dad was able to calm him and Aiden apologized.  Turns out the tantrum started over a game of football being played online.

“Did someone message him something?” I asked his dad.  He doesn’t like to lose, and will pout, but full blown meltdowns occur when he is overwhelmed:  with sensory issues, with crowds, with too many thoughts, with emotions...  He hasn’t had one in almost a year.  His dad didn’t realize that he could get messages, and hadn’t asked, but said “Ooohhh!”  We’re pretty sure that is what happened, someone was mean.

People are mean online.  I’ve already previously taken away Xbox live and we’ve gone through and unfriended some of his Facebook “friends” for the same reason.  People say things online they would never say directly to you.  I’ve stepped away from message boards for the same reason…my very first encounter with one made ME cry, all I was doing was factually answering a question someone asked, and it was a DISNEY message board!  People tell you that you are stupid, that you are a terrible parent, a terrible person in general…..

I’m all for discussion and debate, I actually really enjoy that.  But discussion and debate takes into account that we are all unique individuals, and respects the fact that we can have differing opinions and still be OK.  You know, like we treat people in discussions when they are seated across from us.  Even if they are strangers.  If I wouldn’t say it to your face, I’m not going to say it online.  Especially if there is the chance you might be a child.

I told his dad I’d talk to Aiden tomorrow when he’s had a chance to “step back.”  His dad is taking away playing online right now.   Hopefully we’ll get this worked out, and somehow find a way to get him to just brush off what other people say online because it IS fun for him most of the time to play other people.

I just hate not being there and being able to tell Aiden everything is OK and I love him. 

And, well, that’s why they have wine.  And nephews who can tell me if there is a way to turn off the messaging part….