Christmas Memories

Two of the memories I will hold of today have nothing to do with gifts or traditions, but are just silly moments having fun with family.  So often it really is the little things that bring us moments of joy.

On the way to my brother’s house today, my son was looking around at empty parking lots and asked what is open on Christmas.  I told him there were a few fast food places and restaurants, and bored him with my story of working one Christmas day at Taco Bell as a teen.  I told him Walgreens would be because it has a 24 hour pharmacy.   He pondered over this information.  Later, when my brother jokingly offered my son a root beer float due to his penchant for the bottomless ones at Red Robin, then told him he had neither root beer or ice cream, Aiden let him know Walgreens was open and would have both! 

On the way home, someone noted that Burger King was open.  This led to my son, my husband, and I pointing out each and everything that was open on our drive home, trying to beat each other to say it.  “We can make a game of anything,” Aiden laughed.  Yes, we can.  And in case you are curious, Burger King, McDonalds, Walgreens and CVS, and liquor stores are the hands down winners.

Next year, I may have forgotten what we gave each other for gifts, but I will certainly remember I can get the ingredients for rootbeer floats, a cheap burger, and a bottle of whiskey any day of the year!

That’s why they have wine.  Liquor stores even stay open so you can get it!

Why I am a Parent, Not a Friend

I was in a discussion recently where someone took offense to the phrase “Be a parent, not a friend.”  A discussion that led to someone saying that “aggressive parenting” seems like parenting where you are afraid to let your children be themselves and was just a power trip.

First, I’m not sure what aggressive parenting is.  I thought maybe it was what someone coined as a parenting style, but Google does not give me that impression.  I do see references to “hostile-aggressive parents” referring to parents that are emotionally or physically abusive.....Wow.  Since most of the people I know share the same “I’m a parent....” attitude, and none of them are child abusers, I have to admit I was a bit shocked.

So, I would just like to clarify what I mean by being a parent and not a friend to clear up the misunderstanding that I must beat my child into submission and don’t want him to be the individual he is. 

We do not have a long list of rules posted anywhere.  My child is not afraid of me.  We have a lot of fun and joke around together all the time. I am not his enemy, and we are in fact very close.

We have two basic rules:  You need to be honest, and you need to be respectful both of yourself and others.  That pretty much covers it.  Following those rules means you don’t lie, you don’t cheat, you don’t talk out of turn, you sit in your seat at a restaurant and keep your voice down, you listen to authority figures, you do not say mean things about others.  Some of those things my child may need to be reminded of now and then, which he is with a hand gesture (keep it down) or a whisper (“That is going to annoy the people in line behind us”), not with a yank of the arm or a yell or a spanking.  When something happens because he did not follow those rules, we discuss it together and come up with a solution to prevent it from occurring again in the future.

But those rules he WILL follow.  Why?  Not because it is easier for me – trust me, especially if you are with another parent and child that is afraid to tell their child “No.”  Not because it somehow makes me feel good when he stomps off and slams the door.  Rather, it is because being a person who has those qualities is what is going to make him most happy and successful in life.  I don’t care if every other child at the party is allowed to be rude to another child, or if the kid down the street can call his mother a name, or if my child is going to tell me “I hate you!” because he can’t skip his homework like his friend can.

Believe it or not, children crave that structure and have a real need to know that there is someone in their life that is an authority figure who can rein them in.  Without those things, a helpless child just feels more helpless.  My son has friends at school, at baseball, in the neighborhood.  At home he needs a Mom and Dad.

A parent can be a friend, but a friend cannot be a parent.

And that’s why they have wine.

And That's Why They Have Bikes

My Christmas present.  I not only dragged the very heavy package into the house when it was delivered and left on my front porch, I helped put it together.  Thus the reason there was no need to hide it...

My husband apparantly knows me well, he bought me a bike with a place for my bottle and glass. ;)

When the going gets tough, that's why they have wine.  When the going gets so tough, you have to leave the house, that's why they have bikes.

Free To Be You And Me

I don’t watch Duck Dynasty, though I have heard other’s talk about it.  Just not something I ever ran across and got addicted to between all my Lifetime shows and movies that take up my free time.

The controversy surrounding it now surprises me.  And kind of scares me.  Does one man on a reality show hold that much power over any of our lives, whether you disagree with him or don’t?  Apparantly he does, and that makes me worry about the future of our nation, a nation I’m beginning (well, maybe I’ve thought this before) to suspect is made up of a bunch of weak-minded ninnies.

Does everyone have to agree with you?  Yes, you.  And you.  And you and you and you.  Do they?  What happens to you if they don’t?  Is your life any different today because of a GQ article? 

If this man who makes duck calls is what is encompassing your life right now because you are focused on defending and supporting him, perhaps you might want to look at that Bible passage he quoted.  Don’t make him your idol.

If you are offended because he thinks you are a sinner, why the h-e-double hockey sticks do you care what he thinks? Not to mention that I’m sure he’d tell you himself HE is a sinner, as a core belief of Christianity is that EVERYONE is.

The man is a citizen of the United States, and as such is free to speak his opinions and hold his beliefs.  A&E is free, as a private employer, to “put him on hiatus” if they feel he is not representing their company.

Case closed.  There are more important things in life to worry about.  Like the huge number of people in this country that have no clue how great it is to have the freedoms we have to be exactly who we are, despite what anyone else thinks about it.  If you like yourself and are proud of your life, that is all that matters.

Now on to some more important issues, like finding that Christmas gift my son at the last minute said he hopes Santa is bringing, and I can’t find anyplace that has it in stock. 

That’s why they have wine.

Hook, Line, and Push Up Bra

Tonight, the annual Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show was on TV.  It’s so amazing that we’ve been able to come this far as women in this country and that being able to model underwear in a seductive fashion has become not only acceptable, but respected.  We’ve broken through the barrier of being trivialized, no longer being thought of as only something to look pretty, but rather as intelligent and enterprising and valued for our important contributions to society.

In case you are wondering, that annoying sound you hear, it is the sarcasm dripping from the above paragraph.  The sad thing is, Victoria’s Secret is just the tip of the iceberg, a tip that is pretty tame compared to what is at the base.

What happened?  I thought women in this country were fighting for equality and respect.  What we got was objectification and the warped concept that our sexuality is where our largest value lies.  And we’ve fallen for it hook, line, and push up bra.

I am an intelligent, resourceful, conscientious, supportive, independent, successful woman.   I don’t need cleavage, skimpy outfits, or plastic surgery.  I reject the notion that I’m supposed to be OK with pornography and strip clubs.  I refuse to be sexually suggestive as a way to get something, and don’t support those companies who use that as their ploy.

I am the same person sitting here, 10 or so pounds over my “maximum healthy” weight, in my frumpy pajamas, with my A cup breasts, glasses on and wearing no makeup as I would be if I were 25 pounds thinner, in a string bikini, with D cups and long eyelashes.  If someone only sees the outside me and does not value what is inside, they are not worth my time.  And they are not worth yours either.

And that’s why they have wine.

 

Things I Have Learned in My Life

Was reading a list today of things someone wished they knew when they were 18, and it made me think….what exactly have I learned in my 46-in-two-weeks years of life.  So here is my list.

1.       Your feelings matter.  Always.  If someone tells you they don’t, you do not need that person.

2.       There are a lot of things in life we have no control over.  Stressing about them won’t help.

3.       Wine can’t solve everything, but it sure helps sometimes.

4.       There is no such thing as too much sleep.

5.       Having a child can change your feelings on almost everything.

6.       Learning should never stop.

7.      No matter how much you think you’ll never be able to make it through a problem, you are still here.

8.      You are so much more than your bra size.  And again, if someone thinks you’re not, you do not need that person.

9.       Disney World is truly a magical place.  Especially Epcot, where there is wine (see #3).

10.  You have to let everyone else be who they are.  You can choose whether or not to have them in your life, but you can’t choose to make them fit your life, they do or they don’t .

11.   You never know how something will turn out until you try it.

12.   Driving 5 miles to get gasoline for 2 cents less a gallon really isn’t worth it.

13.   You are never too old to be confused by 5^th grade math homework.

14.   No one can truly know you if you don’t let them in.

15.   Sometimes you have to ask for help.

16.   There will always be someone that tries to make your life more difficult.

17.  Always check your child’s pockets before doing the laundry.  And your husband’s.  They both carry around strange things that can give your clothing a whole new look.

18.  When you check pockets before doing laundry, you are bound to find some money, even if it’s a few spare pennies.

19.   We are not all the same, that is the reason for the word “compromise.”

20.   Chicken and Waffle potato chips are nasty.  They just are.

21.   Everyone has at least one good quality.

22.   You would be surprised at what some people really think of you.  And most often, it’s a pleasant surprise.

23.   Yoga pants are a gift from God.

24.   You WILL do something you swore you never would.

25.   Love isn’t really about you.  True love is an unselfish emotion.

26.   You CAN do it.  Thinking you can’t is your biggest obstacle.

27.   The Serenity Prayer is one of the wisest things ever written.

28.   There is nothing more freeing than forgiveness.

29.   You can meet some of your greatest friends on the internet.

30.   There is just something special about being at the beach.

31.  While it can sometimes drive you crazy, a pet that never wants to leave your side is a blessing.

32.   We can’t really appreciate the good without knowing the bad.

33.   Money really can’t buy happiness, but the pursuit of money can cause misery.

34.   The small things in life are what you will remember the most fondly.

35.   Sometimes the things we fight against the most are exactly what we need.

36.   Soaking in the bath reading a gossip magazine and drinking a glass of wine can be a truly awesome night.

37.   God will send you messages in some of the strangest, unexpected ways.

38.   Everyone is afraid of change, but the world would not have come this far without it.

39.   It’s OK to watch children’s shows without any children present.

40.  When you reach menopause, you no longer have control of anything about your body.  You will get pimples in your wrinkles and the weight in your rear will mysteriously move to your belly in your sleep.

41.   You ARE the only person who knows how to put the toilet paper on the spindle.

42.   Time goes by so much faster the older you get, so enjoy every moment of it.

43.  If your life is focused on what you can do for others rather on what they can do for you, you will be so much happier.

44.  No one, absolutely no one, is more important than someone else.  That also means no one is less important, something that is often forgot.

45.   Jealousy is an extremely destructive emotion.

46.  Most people are too busy with their own problems to be out to get you.  You have to stop blaming them for your own problems.

47.   Our biggest joys in life are often unexpected.

48.   Our biggest problems in life are often self-made.

49.   Fuzzy character slippers are something everyone should have.

50.   Things I’ve learned in life don’t mean anything unless I implement the lessons.

But You Told Me Not To Do That

My 12 year old is currently playing on two baseball teams, for the Hurricanes he pitches and plays first base, and for the Tide he plays outfield.  All very different types of throwing.

After Thursday’s Tide practice, he asked if he could use the heating pad because his arm really hurt.  Asked him where…mainly the shoulder and somewhat at the elbow.  Asked him when…started during warm ups. (He should have told a coach at that point, but that’s a whole other story!)  Took him home, gave him ibuprofen and the heating pad.

Friday morning, asked him how he felt, he made a throwing motion, and said it still hurt.  Gave him ibuprofen and talked to his Hurricanes coach and let him know Aiden would be unable to pitch at that night’s game due to his arm hurting.  His coach chose to completely sit him out to rest his arm, and I told Aiden that at his dad’s this weekend he was not to play baseball, football, or golf, or anything else where he was using his arm, he needed to rest it.  Apparently he took that quite literally.

I called him Saturday morning and asked how his arm felt.

“I don’t know.”

“What do you mean you don’t know?”

“I’m being good and listening, I haven’t used it.”

“Ok, well can you make one throwing motion and tell me how it feels?”

“But you told me not to do that.”  Well, at least he listens.

I did finally convince him to make the motion, still hurt, but not nearly as much, told him to take an ibuprofen at that time and again at dinner. 

Today, I just avoided the conversation and texted him to take an ibuprofen.

And that’s why they have wine.