Parenting, One Size Doesn't Fit All

Parenting.  I think the definition is “perplexing dilemma.”

There is always someone to tell you what is right, what is appropriate, what proves you love your child best.

I’m pretty sure I do the opposite of most of those.  Sometimes it makes me wonder if I’m doing the right thing.  But then my child says something to me, and removes my doubts.

There are so many choices to make.  I am actually a pretty strict parent, but I have chosen the battles I think are important.

Tonight, my son asked if we were watching TV.  What that meant was “Is there a new ‘How I Met Your Mother’ on tonight."  Obviously, this is not one of my battles.  I had to sadly inform him that last week was the season finale, but on the bright side, on Wednesday there was a new “Modern Family” to watch.  Two shows many parents would look down on me for letting him watch, and they are on his favorites list.  Why do I let him view these programs?  Because sometimes it’s the best way to start conversations with your child.  He asks me questions sometimes, we hit the pause button (thank God for DVR’s!), and talk about things.  I honestly think that is a big part of why he loves to watch those with me.  It’s actually given him a better perspective on what is age-appropriate behavior than some of his peers have, and making things less mysterious takes away a lot of the draw towards it.  And if something makes him uncomfortable, he excuses himself to get a glass of water or use the bathroom for a minute. There is no fascination of the forbidden.

He saw his first PG-13 movie as a preschooler.  “Pirates of the Caribbean.”  He was entranced through the entire thing, and I can’t think of a single negative effect it had on him. I don’t restrict the music he can listen to.  He knows that MOM doesn’t listen to some stuff because she doesn’t like the language, or just plain old doesn’t like the music, but he is not forbidden.   This is a kid who doesn’t use bad language, at all. Ever. He gets on to his peers for doing it.  When I took him to see the movie “42”, he APOLOGIZED to me that there were some bad words because he was embarrassed about it, and when I explained to him it was appropriate in the context of the movie, he actually understood what I was talking about.

When he was a toddler and his favorite color was pink, I gave him a pink blanket.  When his favorite toy in preschool was a baby doll, I bought him his own.  I’ve let him get a Mohawk haircut.  I let him pick his own clothes, no matter how mismatched they may be.  I let him wear temporary tattoos, and have let him wear them to school or to church.  I let him play Teen rated video games, though I sit down with him to discuss them and we often turn off some of the features with his full understanding of why.  I let him spend his money on candy if that is what he chooses.  I let him have a cell phone.  I let him have a TV in his room.  I let him be him, sarcasm and all.  These are not battles to me.

He is not allowed to be rude, to be disruptive, to be dishonest, to be disrespectful.  He has chores and responsibilities and will have consequences for not doing them.  He needs to try his best at everything he does.  He need to keep a positive attitude and be a good example.  He needs to have respect for people, animals, his possessions, his environment.  Those are my battles.  And they are battles I haven’t really had to fight.

I may be the bad parent in some people’s eyes because I don’t  concur with all the rules made up by someone, but I know I have a wonderful kid.  Perfect?  Heck, no.  But wonderful all the same.  We may all parent different, but I know what works with my child.

And when people with different parenting opinions like to tell me I’m going to have a horrible kid, well, that’s why they have wine.  And laughter.