Mom, Am I Immature?

My son came and asked me this evening, "Mom, am I immature?"

The question threw me for a loop.  He is 11 and his best friend in the neighborhood is 7.  He has no interest in girls, though many of his classmates do.  One night at baseball practice, a parent was talking about his 11 year old having his first date and wanting to kiss a girl - that same day my son was excited I bought him a Halloween Beanie Baby.  He likes to spend Friday evenings with me, watching the Disney channel.  He is going camping with my mom this weekend, and spent more time deciding which stuffed animal to bring to sleep with than he did on clothes to bring.

And then I jerked back into reality.....

"Why are you asking me this?  Did someone tell you that your were?"

"No."

"So, again, why are you asking?  Why do you think that?"

"I don't know."

"Did someone call a friend that?"

"Yes."

And then we got into a talk on bullying.  Aiden doesn't even remember, but he was bullied in Pre-K.  He was 4, and acted like a 4 year old - he smacked the kid that was being mean to him.  He got in trouble, I was called.  I observed the class for several hours the next day.  While I agree it is not OK to hit, I was appalled that no one seemed to even notice the behavior exhibited by the bully, not only to my child, but to others in the classroom. 

So, I did the best I could....I taught Aiden to cross his hands behind his back when he got upset, and to "use his words."  I taught him that, despite what you may have other people tell you, "We have to be friends with everyone" is just not true.  Rather, it's normal for some people to not like you, and for you to not like some people.  And that's OK.  But we have to be nice and respectful regardless.

We talked about what he can do to help other kids.

And that is how Aiden is.  He is not only nice to everyone, he can be exceptionally kind.  He accepts everyone, he is completely blind to things about someone that make other kids make fun.  He's been captain of baseball teams and is the president of his class, his outlook has done him well.  He doesn't like everyone, but he treats them as friends anyways.  He knows not everyone likes him, and he is OK with that.

"Are you less mature than some kids in the way they think they are grown up?  Probably.  But you are not immature. Not at all. I am extremely proud of the person you are.  You are a kid that still acts like a kid, and is silly, and is funny, and that's a good thing.  Heck, I'm almost 45 and I act like you."

"Hahahaha!  Yes you do!  So does that mean the same about my friend?"

"Absolutely. And make sure he knows that.  And stand up for him."

"I will."

And I'm sure he will, because that is who he is.  Even if he is not as "grown up" as others his age.

Life with an Attention Deficit Disorder kid can be challenging.  A common trait is that they act several years younger than their age.  They are often the the target of bullying because of that.  Was I happy about the fact he was bullied at a young age?  Absolutely not.  But I see now that it made him who he is, and I am happy about that.  I think that experience helped him to learn to shield himself a bit. 

I still worry, he's little and he's usually the youngest in his class. He has learning disablities.  He can be shy till he gets to know you. Bullying is a huge issue in this day and age, one that needs more attention, much more.  But for now he's doing OK. 

And when the worry takes over, that's why they have wine.