So, How Do You Deal?

So how do you help a kid deal with a possibility of failing a grade in school, and still have them feel OK with themselves?

I feel like life is in re-run time.  We went through the same thing last year.  Teacher conference to let me know he had a high possibility of failing.  Strategies to help him (which aren’t always followed through with on the other side).  Me telling him I love him no matter what grade he is in.  Worrying, crying, from both of us.  Last year we got to the acceptance level.  Then he got his report card and we both had to read the “Promoted” part about 50 times to believe it.  And that just makes it harder to go through again.

FCAT’s are next week.  For a child in 3^rd grade or higher, it’s the thing that determines your near future.  For a kid with learning disabilities, it’s the thing that makes you wish there was no future.  My child in the last week has been very clingy, emotional, and has almost seemed to regress in maturity.  And he’s been denying anything is bothering him, until today.  This morning, 30 minutes after school started, I got a phone call.  He was in the clinic with a stomach ache.  No fever.  No other symptoms.  I asked to talk to him and determined he had heartburn.  Told him not to eat the “hot fries” in his lunch box and go back to class.  Welcome to the real world, I had heartburn too!  This evening we had a good talk.  He is so worried about failing, and he knows it’s a real possibility.

UGH!  He shouldn’t have to be welcomed to the real world yet!  He’s only 11.  11 with the maturity level of an 8 or 9 year old.  He doesn’t need this stress.  Neither does his mother, but that’s another story. 

If all goes well, he will be attending a private school next year.  A school that mixes kids in different grade levels according to their abilities.  A school where no one he is in school with now would realize he failed, if he does.  But to him, that doesn’t matter.  He is so afraid of disappointing HIMSELF! 

I’ve told him I love him no matter what grade he’s in.  That school is for the purpose of learning particular things, and if it means having to hear it twice, then there’s nothing wrong with that.  That if he doesn’t understand things at a certain level, it’s better to repeat the grade until he does or he’ll just fall farther behind (which is where the badly named ‘No Child Left Behind’ really fails and leaves kids behind, but I’ll leave that for another blog!).  That having to go through 2-3 teachers in a year for EVERY class is not his fault (UGH, again another blog!  How can any kid excel in those circumstances?).  That his grades do not reflect his intelligence, not at ALL.

He still cried himself to sleep. 

Yet another reason there is wine.  I need some more.