Who Am I?

Ever think about how others see you?

Well, in they eyes of an 11-year old, I am:

The biggest geek ever.  Embarrassing....unless I'm driving my car which is cool.  A good cook, especially if I'm making hamburgers or cookies.  The greatest mom in the world.  The meanest mom in the world.  The only person who could possibly love Ally, one of our cats.  Addicted to "What Not to Wear."  And have taken good lessons from the show.  Someone who should not brush their hair before going to the ballfield because I'll look too dressed up.  Weird.  Not quite as fast of a runner as him (Ha!).  Cuddly.  Scary.  And last, if not least, I pitch like Troy Percival.

Not sure if that is the image I ever imagined when I was younger.  Oh, well.  That's why they have wine!

Just Listen To Your Body!

Analytical thinking is a good thing.  But maybe we give it to much credence.

Maybe sometimes we should just listen to our quirks.

I can’t stand to drink water out of a plastic or Styrofoam cup.   I can TASTE the plastic, and I don’t like it.  I drink everything from a glass.  I’ve always been that way.  Fast forward many, many years, and we find that the BPA’s in plastic are cancer-causing.  Perhaps my body was just telling me that all along.

My son, he doesn’t like pasta.  Really doesn’t like bread either, except sourdough or gluten-free.  Any cereal he likes, rice or oat based.  He’s allergic to wheat.  We were told by his pediatrician when that was discovered (at age 3) that it was a mild allergy and not to avoid it because he’d outgrow it if he was exposed.  I followed those directions. He still didn’t like it, and in the past 6 months or so since we’ve gone gluten-limited (we still order a pizza now or then), the mysterious digestive problems he’s had all his life have disappeared.  Again, perhaps it’s his body telling him that he shouldn’t be eating that.

In the past several months, Aiden has become sensitive to artificial coloring.  His mouth becomes tingly and, without Benadryl, his lips swell to a scary size.  Well, artificial food colors are petroleum based.  Something we really probably don’t want to be eating anyways.

Aiden has an appointment on Tuesday for further allergy testing.  His pediatrician is the allergist specialist of the rather large group of doctors in the office.  However, I have a feeling I’m going to be the “crazy mom” for finding that it’s food additives causing problems for Aiden.  I hope not, but I’m going against mainstream analytical thinking.  Coming from a family with multiple food allergies (myself included!), however, I know about elimination diets, and, well, I do believe we found the culprit.  I just want testing to make sure there are not others.  And if the wheat allergy is still present (I am 99% sure it is!), well, we will be 100% gluten and wheat-free.

Sometimes we just need to listen to our bodies.  That large intestine may sometimes know more than the brain.  Just because it is allowed in our food, doesn’t make it good.  We need to read labels, know what GMO’s are, know the effects of those ingredients we can’t pronounce, and it the end, hopefully refuse to eat them!

I know it’s a lot to take in.  But that’s why they have wine.

The Politics of Baseball

If you want to teach your child about real adult life, sign them up for sports.

My son has always loved baseball.  He can’t watch a half-hour Disney Channel show without also doing something else, but he can sit transfixed, never moving from his seat, for 3 hours watching a game.  Name a date, any date, and he’ll tell you who the Rays played and what the score was…and, if we were actually at the game, what he ate from the concession stand!  When he was a pre-schooler, I bought him a  $2 wiffle bat and ball and fashioned a tee out of a 5-gallon water container.  He would spend hours in the yard hitting that ball, and he hasn’t stopped since.

He now uses a $300 bat and displays the pitching style of a pro, but he’s still the same old kid, just having fun.  And I am BEYOND proud of that.  It’s not the ability, it’s the attitude.  If I’ve ever done anything right with my child, it is that.

Children’s sports are about teaching them to be a team player, to follow directions and rules, to learn to socialize and support, and above all, to have fun.  At least they’re supposed to be.

And no, I’m not a fan of “everyone gets a trophy.”  Another big thing about sports is learning how to compete.  How to win or lose and still display good sportsmanship either way.  How to accept that the players with more skills at a certain position will get to play that position, and if you want it that position instead, you need to work to EARN it.  Unfortunately, this is the lesson that is often lost among adults.

I have to admit, we’ve been lucky.  We’ve had some great coaches and mostly wonderful kids and parents.  However, there is ALWAYS at least one parent on the team whose child is the greatest gift baseball has ever seen, and they will make sure everyone knows it. 

They will make sure the coach knows he is not using their child to their full potential, that he is supposed to play short stop so how can he possibly be in centerfield, and that they are going to quit if he sits on the bench one more inning.  They will make sure all the other parents know every single ball the child has ever caught, and that if he was at first base instead of your child, they would have won the game.  They are absolutely sure their child will be playing in the Majors one day, and we should all just start asking for autographs now. And, God forbid, if those same parents are coaching or on the board for the league, they will of course use their “power” to make sure that their child’s talent is recognized in post-season tournaments too, even if it means that better players get left out.

And that is sad.  Sad that people think a game is so important that it’s all that matters.  Sad that they need to live through their children’s accomplishments (real or manipulated).  Sad that they can’t just be proud of their children for who they are.   Sad that, actually, the same behavior can be seen through most of life.

Aiden, like I said, he’s always loved baseball.  He’s pretty darn good at it, too.  But he knows that there is more to life.  Knows that if it’s no longer fun, it’s no longer worth doing, and that if he wanted to quit after the current season, he’d be allowed to.  Knows that he will never get yelled at for any mistakes when playing.  Knows that every person on a team is important.   Most importantly, he knows that every other kid just wants what he does, to play well and have fun.  Sometimes he is smarter than adults.

As I’ve stated, we’ve been lucky with the teams he’s played on.  But the spring season is about to start and I’m just gearing myself back up for that inevitable parent.  I don’t handle the annoyance quite as well as my child does.  Of course, that is why they have wine!

Batter up!

Maybe I Should Just Let Him Lead A Life of Crime

To effectively discipline your child, you are supposed to know their “currency,” the thing that is most precious to them.  For my 11-year old son, that is doing things outside and with friends.  So…when he got it in his head on Thursday that it couldn’t be possible that mom would communicate with his teachers, and chose to lie about some homework, of course the consequence I chose was to ground him from going outside or playing with friends through the end of the weekend.

The correct response was elicited, I became the “meanest mom ever” and he tried to convince me to use a different punishment, so I know that it hurt.  He apologized at least 10 times hoping I would reduce the sentence.  Of course that led me into a speech about how being sorry doesn’t help if he doesn’t have a plan to change his behavior, but I don’t want to get off on a tangent…He’s been mopey, wouldn’t answer the door when a friend knocked because he was embarrassed to say he was grounded, has spent more time on video games than I would like, but otherwise the weekend  has been bearable for me.

Until this afternoon.  I am trying to read the newspaper.  If I get up to get a drink or use the bathroom, he asks what I am doing.  He has told me at least 10 times he is bored.  I’ve heard “There is nothing to do” even more times.  He is aimlessly roaming the house.  HE IS CALLING ME ON MY CELL PHONE FROM THE NEXT ROOM!

I told him next time he is in trouble, I have a new punishment, one that will be pleasant for ME.  He will be forced to go to the mall with his mother.  He will have to go in every women’s clothing and shoe store there is, and wait while I try things on.  He will have to go find me things in another size if they don’t fit.  He will have to eat lunch at the place of my choice, even if they specialize in salads.  And we will not set foot in a single video game or electronics store.  He will not be allowed to complain. 

The horrified response told me that could certainly be the most effective deterrent to a life of graying his mother’s hair yet.

But for now, my cell phone is ringing again.  That’s why they have wine.  Perhaps I should pour myself a glass.

The Boy in the Garage

Our garage is a busy place.  Aiden walks in and out of there several times a day to get balls, bats, skateboards, scooters, Nerf guns, and the occasional thing that I don’t even know is out there.  It’s also a messy place.  Sometimes it takes him a while to find something.

His cat, Nala, has recently taken too sitting by the door from the kitchen to the garage, the one she sees Aiden use so often, and meowing.  Or trying to rush through it when one my husband or I go out it.  Or finding me and meowing, and when I ask what she wants, running to the door.  At first I wondered if perhaps there was a mouse living out there she was after, but then I realized something.

She only does this when Aiden is not in the house.  She does it even more often if he’s been gone for a while, like when he is at his dad’s for the weekend.  She is looking for Aiden.  She thinks he’s out there.

No concept in that little kitty mind that he might just be across the street at a friend’s house.  Or at school.  Something must be terribly wrong if she can’t find him.  Good think she can’t use a phone…”Hey, 911, I think the big people have locked my little person out in that mysterious place full of boxes.  And they won’t let me check.”

And she is the most normal of our animal clan.

Pets, they are something else.  They can make your day or drive you crazy.  Sometimes at the same time.

And sometimes I think THEY need wine.

It's Not All About the Food

It’s not all about the food.

I talk a lot about food.   Online, to friends, to my family, to friends of friends and family, and basically anyone who is a captive audience.  I talk about eating organic, non-GMO, whole foods.  I talk about gluten-free.  I talk about avoiding artificial ingredients.  I talk about, as my son says, the difference between “real food and fake food.”  But all of our problems in life cannot be solved by eating better.

Reading something today, it really hit me how much people just want simple, black and white reasons for everything.  “If you just ate this, you wouldn’t have allergies.”  “(Insert neurological disorder here) is not real, it will completely go away if you just cut gluten, food-dyes, etc out of your diet.”  Maybe.  But often not.

I talk about benefits of “real” food because I just don’t think the “fake” food is good for anyone’s health. Many of the things most likely contribute to cancer.  The fact that our wheat has been genetically modified to contain more gluten than would normally be found in nature has been linked to the increase in Celiac’s disease and gluten-intolerance.  I believe the antibiotics in our meat and dairy probably have helped to create many of the antibiotic-resistant bacteria that is present.  Hormones in the same foods, could this be one of the factors behind obesity, early onset of puberty, and severe PMS and menopausal symptoms?  I just don’t think we can fill our bodies everyday with things like pesticides, chemical food dyes, and drugs and expect everything to just be able to have no unwanted effects from them. 

But I don’t think those things are the only cause of many problems, nor is cutting them out the cure-all.

I have asthma.  It is not as bad if I avoid food that has been treated with antibiotics – I’m allergic to most antibiotics so that does not surprise me.  But it doesn’t make my asthma go away.  My mom has asthma, as well as did my grandfather.  Hereditary component, maybe?

I was told today that a teaspoon of honey a day should make my sinus problems go away.  Perhaps if the presence of honey in my home made my cats disappear, cigarette smoke no longer exist, and people to no longer bathe themselves in perfume.

I’ve also been told that diet will make ADD and sensory processing issues go away.  Hmmm, so why does my son, who already has all those diet changes, still have trouble putting his thoughts on paper or following multi-step instructions?  I do believe there is validity to gluten and food dyes affecting a child’s (any child’s!) behavior, but BEHAVIOR is not what my child struggles with.  The fact that he was premature and not breathing at birth couldn’t have had a real neurological effect, could it?  No, of course not, I am just not feeding him right.

Yes, for some people honey will help their allergies.  For some children, a gluten-free diet will eliminate problems – as a matter of fact it does help with digestive issues my son has had since birth.  But these things do not fix everything.

I know people are well-meaning when they give advice on eating.  I know that I am.  But I hope people understand I don’t think people are “creating” their or their family’s medical, development, or mental problems when I talk about eating healthy.  If you didn’t, hopefully you do now.  I just personally don’t think the “fake” stuff is probably good for any of us in the end, and want everyone to have as healthy of a body as possible, despite the things that may be wrong with them.

By the way, wine is a “real” food!  And that’s why I have wine.

We All Care

(****Disclaimer, I do not belong to either of the 2 major political parties.  I think both have too many extremists, and both are just trying to polarize this country.  If you don’t like that opinion, either prepared to accept that I don’t think you are 100% right, or quit reading right here.***)

Read an article tonight that was about people of a particular political party feeling that they were “demonized for caring.”  I could not help but to take on the “What the…..? Who is doing that?” look on my face, but then it made me realize something.

Something important.  Something that everyone should think about.  For WHATEVER their misguided reasons, the two major political parties in this country just want to split this country in two.  I’m not sure what scares me more, that, or the fact that most Americans are OK with that. OK, that’s a lie.   It scares me MUCH more that most Americans are OK with that.

But back to the article I read….

Democrats feel they are “demonized for caring.”  Republicans feel they are demonized because people say they don’t.  I think they’re all full of demons, because none can see the truth.

The TRUTH is, most people care about their fellow man.  They just have different opinions on how the best way to help is.  Most (and I’ll stick with “most”, because there are some people that truly scare me) people of opposing political parties don’t “hate” the other side.  They just disagree on methods to accomplish things.  That is a huge difference in concepts.

Some people trust government more than the average American, some people trust the average American more than government.  Some people are selfish, some people are not.  Some people are smarter than others, and some just think they are.  Some have learned that it’s rewarding to give, some have learned that people don’t appreciate it.  Some people grew up with life handed to them on a silver platter, some worked for everything they have.  Some think equality means equal opportunity, some think it means equal outcome.  That is where are real differences in opinions come in, and that is not defined by political party.  Your experience in life dictates the way you think is the best way to resolve matters.

Me, I probably care too much.  Probably why it hurts so much when someone tells me I don’t care because I don’t agree with them on the best way to help people.  Recently I had someone tell me I “don’t care” because my personal experience has led to beliefs that have shown me the most caring comes from those around you and not from government, and that is the way I choose to help.  The thing that really makes me mad, I can’t even personally help someone now without feeling that anger about being told that what I do doesn’t matter, it just keeps popping back in my head. Is that really the way to help ANYONE?  If we just take two sides, and tell the other that they are wrong, no one is going to want to help anybody!

We made a second Christmas today for someone just by giving them some old video games, and the look on that little boy's face made an impact on my son.  I am so happy for that boy, and so grateful it gave my son the opportunity to truly appreciate what he has.  But it’s really pissing me off that I can’t get the negativity of a friend’s words out of my mind that my charity means nothing.  I could so easily drop it if a stranger told me, but when a friend does, it really impacts you.

Every political issue, they have a MULTITUDE of sides.  We need to listen to ALL of them.  We need to find what is right for EVERYONE.  We need to leave political agenda and catch phrases behind, and actually use some logic.  We need to realize that it’s not just the people in YOUR political party that care.  Yep, there are people who don’t, but yep, they are spread among various beliefs.  When you are trying to work something out in your family, does one person’s opinion reign as supreme belief, or do you listen to what everyone needs and make some compromises?  My personal beliefs, in family and in politics…we are all individuals and all as equally important.  We may think different things, but that doesn’t make one of us more right.  Or more moral, intelligent, or in any other way superior.  We all have something worth listening to.  We all care.

And when it seems like there will never be agreement, that’s why they have wine.