Mom, Am I Immature?

My son came and asked me this evening, "Mom, am I immature?"

The question threw me for a loop.  He is 11 and his best friend in the neighborhood is 7.  He has no interest in girls, though many of his classmates do.  One night at baseball practice, a parent was talking about his 11 year old having his first date and wanting to kiss a girl - that same day my son was excited I bought him a Halloween Beanie Baby.  He likes to spend Friday evenings with me, watching the Disney channel.  He is going camping with my mom this weekend, and spent more time deciding which stuffed animal to bring to sleep with than he did on clothes to bring.

And then I jerked back into reality.....

"Why are you asking me this?  Did someone tell you that your were?"

"No."

"So, again, why are you asking?  Why do you think that?"

"I don't know."

"Did someone call a friend that?"

"Yes."

And then we got into a talk on bullying.  Aiden doesn't even remember, but he was bullied in Pre-K.  He was 4, and acted like a 4 year old - he smacked the kid that was being mean to him.  He got in trouble, I was called.  I observed the class for several hours the next day.  While I agree it is not OK to hit, I was appalled that no one seemed to even notice the behavior exhibited by the bully, not only to my child, but to others in the classroom. 

So, I did the best I could....I taught Aiden to cross his hands behind his back when he got upset, and to "use his words."  I taught him that, despite what you may have other people tell you, "We have to be friends with everyone" is just not true.  Rather, it's normal for some people to not like you, and for you to not like some people.  And that's OK.  But we have to be nice and respectful regardless.

We talked about what he can do to help other kids.

And that is how Aiden is.  He is not only nice to everyone, he can be exceptionally kind.  He accepts everyone, he is completely blind to things about someone that make other kids make fun.  He's been captain of baseball teams and is the president of his class, his outlook has done him well.  He doesn't like everyone, but he treats them as friends anyways.  He knows not everyone likes him, and he is OK with that.

"Are you less mature than some kids in the way they think they are grown up?  Probably.  But you are not immature. Not at all. I am extremely proud of the person you are.  You are a kid that still acts like a kid, and is silly, and is funny, and that's a good thing.  Heck, I'm almost 45 and I act like you."

"Hahahaha!  Yes you do!  So does that mean the same about my friend?"

"Absolutely. And make sure he knows that.  And stand up for him."

"I will."

And I'm sure he will, because that is who he is.  Even if he is not as "grown up" as others his age.

Life with an Attention Deficit Disorder kid can be challenging.  A common trait is that they act several years younger than their age.  They are often the the target of bullying because of that.  Was I happy about the fact he was bullied at a young age?  Absolutely not.  But I see now that it made him who he is, and I am happy about that.  I think that experience helped him to learn to shield himself a bit. 

I still worry, he's little and he's usually the youngest in his class. He has learning disablities.  He can be shy till he gets to know you. Bullying is a huge issue in this day and age, one that needs more attention, much more.  But for now he's doing OK. 

And when the worry takes over, that's why they have wine.

Little Men in My Head

According to the walk-in clinic, I have a sinus infection that moved to my eye, ear, and throat, and was working it's way to my lungs.  I beg to differ.

I know what I feel, and I'm pretty sure there is a little man in my head that is stabbing my eyeball.  And another one that is using my eardrum as a trampoline.  I even told the nurse that.  I'm pretty sure I'm right, because why else would they give me an antibiotic the size of my head to kill some tiny little bacteria?  They're trying to get rid of something much bigger, and they know it.

My family may think I'm delirious.  But I know that the combination of Robitussin and lack of oxygen is just giving me clarity.  I didn't really forget to lock the front door this morning.  I have an abnormal, extreme paranoia about leaving doors unlocked.  I check them twice, even three times.  My husband is just trying to convince me the little men have also gotten to my brain!

And while the antibiotic appears to have moved the little men from my throat, I think they just moved to my stomach.  I think I would rather they move back.

I need something to help me forget about the little men.  That is why they have wine.  And Pepto-Bismol.

At Least the Moths Had a Feast

Had a little trouble sleeping last night due to some back problems, so took advantage of the fact that I did not have to cook Thanksgiving dinner today and slept  in a bit.  When I got up, went to the kitchen to fix cereal for my son and me. Fixed Aiden's bowl of Cheerios, then pulled out my granola.  On the top of the box there was a white, worm-like thing crawling.  Held back my yelp, and opened the box.  More worms.  Looked up at the ceiling of the pantry.  How I mananged not to scream loud enough for the entire neighborhood is beyond me...perhaps I was in shock.

As my husband was in the office reading Yahoo, and my son was in his room playing Angry Birds, I calmly started going through the pantry, tossing out about everything.  Flour, rice, pasta, crackers.  Things that had never been opened.  Reusable grocery bags.  The boxes that the soda and water come in.  Moths and their larvae had invaded everything.  We are pretty much left with a bottle of cranberry juice, a couple of cans of tomato paste, and Townhouse crackers.  Yes, the Townhouse crackers were untouched, while their organic counterparts were invaded.  Even bugs know which food is better for you.

There were signs.  A few moths flying here and there.  A few weeks ago I discovered a Tupperware-like container of pistachios had been invaded by bugs and had thrown them out, container and all.  I thought that was the extent of the problem.

Unfortunately, they are sneaky little things.  After emptying the pantry, I calmly went to the office and asked my husband if he could please come help me.  He said "Sure," not knowing what horrors I was bringing him into.  I had no idea what to do about the larvae on the ceiling.  Fortunately I married an inventive spouse, he went and got the vacuum cleaner and sucked those disgusting things right up.

We left to go have our Thanksgiving dinner with family.  After coming back home, and taking my turkey-induced nap, I went to the kitchen to wipe down the pantry. 

There were more larvae on the ceiling!  And that's why they have wine.  LOTS and lots of it!

An 11 year old's view of Thanksgiving

Asked my son what he was thankful for this Thanksgiving.  His answer was "the food, family, school, baseball, my toys, amusement parks, and electronics." 

I then asked "What do you think people should be more thankful for?"

"The small stuff," he replied.

"The small stuff?"

"Yeah, you know, like good weather, books, and Pez dispensers.  The small stuff."

I liked the way he summed that up.  There are a lot of little things that put a smile on our face, make our day better, improve the quality of our life.  He's right, how often do we really feel thankful for those things?  We take a lot of things in life for granted.  While a Pez dispenser may not be the little thing that brings YOU a smile, there is something that does.  A Starbucks Pumpkin Spiced Latte, a favorite TV show, a picture of Johnny Depp...

I'm going to sit here and contemplate for a while on all the small stuff.  And then take in that maybe sometimes my kid is smarter than me. 

That's why they have wine.

Going to the Dogs

Locally, there is a news story about a woman who was jogging, three dogs ran up and surrounded her, and a neighbor chased the dogs off and shot two of them, one who will be OK and one that need to be put down.

What do you think about this? 

Are you a dog owner?  A jogger?  Have you ever been threatened by a dog?  Are you OK with people owning guns?  All of those questions will factor in to your response.

And then there is the question that, in my opinion, often puts people on one side or the other, regardless of the other questions....does it matter what breed it was?

I've been the jogger.  I've also been a dog owner and instinctively used what I know about dog behavior.....I stopped running, tried to block my fear response, and yelled "No, stay!"  I've blocked off more than one dog from coming after me with that, even with my in-case-of-emergency pepper spray in my hand. When they calmed, I backed off slowly, still looking at them, till THEY no longer felt threatened.

The thing is, not everyone is a dog owner.  Not everyone knows how to deal with an aggessive dog.  And not all aggressive dogs can be dealt with.  Above all, YOUR DOG SHOULD NOT BE IN THE POSITION TO BE THREATENING SOMEONE.  I can't fault the dogs.  I also can't fault the jogger or the neighbor.  I'm a bit concerned over an owner who would defend their dogs having the opportunity to surround and scare a stranger and not find any fault with that.

We have Chihuahaus.  The little boy across the street, every time he knocks on the door to see if my son can play, does not look at our faces, he looks at our ankles.  He's terrified of dogs.  Especially barky ones, which ours are.  Ours are actually terrified of my 6 pound cat, and are not a threat to anyone, but that little boy doesn't feel that.  We never let the dogs near him because of that.  Because we realize that the dogs will survive without barking at him, but the child might be traumatized...that is what makes us the supposedly superior human race, the ability to empathize.

The dogs in the article were Pit Bulls.  Which shouldn't make a difference...all dogs can bite.  But, it does.  People are scared of them.  As a human being, if you are a pit bull owner, you need to take MORE precaution that no one feels threatened by them.  You need to do that not only to be a good citizen, but for the sake of your dogs.

My Chihuahuas are driving me nuts right now barking at the Rottweiler next door (the main cause of the anxiety of my son's friend). The Rottweiler knows they are not a threat, but he likes barking back.  The noise just gets on my nerves.  That is why they have wine.

Food is Not Political

We need food to survive.  (DUH!)  It is also a huge part of our socialization and family lives, not to mention sometimes  just pure enjoyment.  So why are we so lax in knowing about what it is that we are eating?

In a conversation this evening, I posed the opinion that there is political middle ground on some things.  Namely, what we eat.  I don’t care if you are Republican, Democrat, Libertarian, Green Party, Vulcan, whatever, I don’t want anyone to be eating things that are not harmful to them.  Silly me, I would think that would be a universal opinion, but the more I learn about what we eat, the less I see that it is.  I don’t believe the government should tell us what we eat.  But I do think that the information about what we are eating, and it’s possible effects, should be readily accessible.  And how is that any kind of political issue?  Isn’t caring about one’s health something everyone cares about?

 My son is sensitive to food dyes (aka artificial colors, yellow #5, red #20, blue #1,000,987, blah, blah, blah).  I went through his Halloween candy to weed the stuff out that could cause a reaction.  Skittles, could have told you just looking, fruit snacks surprised me a little (just a little) with absolutely no mention of fruit. Googled “Butterfinger ingredients”.  Um, hmmm.  That candy bar is now the scariest thing to me about Halloween, as no one seems to want you to know what is in it.  Finally found a seller at Amazon who actually listed the ingredients.  (Butterfingers are a big no-go in this family now, there is a reason they don’t want you to know.)

Hostess has declared bankruptcy and is going out of business.  I’m sure the economy and the demands of a union who seem oblivious to the economy are part of it.  But I’ve also seen some posts on Facebook today on how Twinkies don’t taste like they used to.  I’d really love to see what the ingredient list 40 years ago compares to what are in them now are.  I bet 40 years ago we had most of those ingredients in our kitchen.  I think I’d be shocked to find any of those ingredients used now in my kitchen.  They don’t taste good because they’re not REAL!  And maybe that had some impact on sales.  Maybe.  As bad as that may sound, I'm hopeful people are realizing that natural ingredients are better.

 The information is out there, but you have to look for it.  95% of the food in the average American grocery store is not meant for human consumption.  Look for organic, non-processed, non-GMO, hormone-, antibiotic-, and pesticide-free.  Gluten-free too, but the discussion on that demands its own future blog post.  Don’t feed your family and friends anything you don’t know what the ingredient is. 

And if you are like me and spend hours doing a weeks grocery shopping because  you get overwhelmed reading food labels, that’s why they have wine.

The Pimple Years

Remember when you were 13, it was Picture Day for the yearbook, and you had that GIANT pimple on your forehead?  As your mom dabbed some mismatched concealer on it and you tried to cover it with your bangs, you thought “This can’t EVER get any worse.”

Think again.

I can’t stand to look at my 11 year old.  He has a weeping whitehead on his chin and it’s making me nauseous.  He’s washed it with Neutrogena.  He’s dabbed the Noxzema pads on it.  I asked him to try to pop it, he said it won’t.  Just because a few months ago he tried to pop one so hard it bled, got infected, and required antibiotics, he refuses to try harder to keep his mother from getting ill.  Unbelievable!

Seriously, a friend on Facebook just gave me a solution to try, we will be doing so right after dinner.  There has to be a solution, or he may need to find a foster family for the teenage years.

Ack, he just walked in here and the lights are shining brightly on him.  Yep, that’s why they make wine.

 

Campaign Promises

My son is 11.  Last week he was campaigning for President of his 6^th grade class.  He needed to come up with a campaign promise and asked for some help.  I told him that the President of anything - his class, the country, a girl scout troop -  should be someone leading the group to be the best they can…. and to figure out how to do that, he would need to identify where there were issues that could be improved.  His answer was more serious than I was anticipating.  He said he was concerned so many kids skipped school, and he would like to do something to make them want to attend.

So, how do you make a middle school child want to attend school? 

There are a myriad of reasons that kids skip.  They are bullied.  They struggle in their schoolwork.  They are not taught that an education is important.  There are problems at home.  They are just rebellious.  Do we try to resolve these problems by reaching out to the kids, or reaching out to the parents?

There is a law here in Florida where parents can be jailed if their child misses more than 15 days within 3 months.  There are other states with similar laws.  I do believe that often a parent is complicit in their child missing school, such as often  the case with bullying, but I don’t think jail is the answer.  I do, however, think it is the parents we need to “get on board” with school attendance.  Parents need more support with dealing with bullying and getting help with learning disabilities.  They need education and guidance in where to go to deal with family problems and rebellious children. 

I hear very often that “people should need a license to become parents” and other similar sentiments.  What we need is parent education and information.  I would love to see some of the money we spent on education, child services, and juvenile justice AFTER there are problems spent to prevent them instead.

For now I’m anxious to see how President  Aiden’s Wacky Wednesday policy (Games, movies, etc., once a week the 45 minute homeroom period) works.  If it encourages at least one kid to show up, I consider him successful. 

Very proud of my child for trying to tackle a tough issue.  I'm not sure as an adult what I can do to help.   When life gets complicated, that's why they have wine!