Our Obsession With Sex

Sex.  It’s the topic everyone is fascinated with. 

It’s also the thing that causes many of our social issues:  Adultery, porn addiction, abortion, teen pregnancy, diseases, even murder and suicide.  Yet for some reason, it is the popular opinion that it is an acceptable recreational activity for teenagers in America.  And if you don’t agree, you are deemed a bad parent. 

Well, I’m a confused bad parent, because I don’t get it.

In my 47 years of life, I’ve encountered a lot of not normal sex things.  I’ve been raped, escaped from a couple other potential rapes,  I’ve been married to a porn addict, and, though I consciously block anything that even starts bringing back memories, I, and my past therapists and psychiatrists, am pretty sure I was sexually abused by someone.  Why do these kind of things happen?

In my opinion, we have a very unhealthy view of sex in this country, we think that we don’t have the ability to turn it down.  You would think that I would have issues, but I’ve had good therapists.  I actually have a very caring and supportive partner, and that is what it is really all about.  This is actually a bit of a tough subject for me to write about, because, unlike most, I believe intimacy is something that should, well, remain intimate, as does my husband.  To me, sex is an expression of feelings for your partner, not a recreational activity.  It is not something to be taken lightly.  It is not something that does not have potential consequences, consequences that you are prepared to deal with.

A 14 year old is not prepared for those consequences, even if their “progressive” parent has put them on birth control.  A 14 year old is not ready to make decisions about the risks of birth control without parental consent (and yeah, there are always risks, some with effectiveness, some that can actually affect health).   A 14 year old is certainly not prepared to decide what to do with a life that may be growing inside of them.  Yet the majority of parents say “Well, they are going to do it anyways.”

They are NOT going to do it anyways.  They ARE going to do it if you expect them to, I can pretty much guarantee that.  “Well, my mom put me on birth control, so I guess she expects me to do this, so why would I say ‘No’?” Hold higher expectations, and really trust your children.  They just might turn out to be people who can control themselves.

They are NOT going to be gorging on porn, unless you are not willing to control their internet use.  Newsflash, you ARE allowed to check your child’s phone and computer.  You ARE allowed to forbid certain sites.  You ARE allowed to explain to them how pornography distorts their perception of relationships and what actual women are like.  You ARE allowed to say, “You know what, would you want someone doing that to your mom?”

And you know something else, we are all allowed to say “No,” even us adults.  And we are all actually capable of it.  We could actually go our entire lives without sex and still survive.  It should not be what controls our bodies, our relationship with our children, or our legal policies.  We don’t have the right to it.  Nowhere in the constitution does it say “Citizens have the right to sexual intercourse”, much less without any consequences or with free or taxpayer provided methods to avoid them.

I know it’s not the popular thing to say (feel free to boycott my non-existent sponsors), but we don’t have to accept our partners watching porn, we don’t have to accept them going to strip clubs, we don’t have to assume our children are going to have sex when they are in middle school, we don’t have to put them on birth control because “they are going to do it anyways,” and we don’t have to support abortion because we think we are all incapable of controlling our own bodies.  We have other choices.  We CAN teach that there are natural, scientific, consequences of sex that are best handled by adults, we CAN expect our children to be children, we CAN express our hurt to our spouse when they are more turned on by women on a computer screen, we CAN save our physical expressions of intimacy for someone who actually deserves it.  We CAN take the focus off of being sexual objects by not making ourselves one.

I know there are plenty of people who will disagree with me, but just think about it. It's a lot to consider, but that’s why they have wine.