The Rise of the Bullies

You have to be nice and you have to be respectful.

Those are the rules my now teenage son has had since he was a toddler.  That’s it. When you follow those, you don’t need a lot of other rules.  You don’t lie, you don’t be mean, you share, you listen to authority, you do as your parents say, you do your homework on time, you follow through on promises….it all falls under that umbrella.  Does he break them sometimes?  Sure, he’s human, but on the whole, he’s a pretty nice, respectful kid.

I tell him that people don’t have to like us, and we don’t have to like them, but we need to be nice and be respectful to them, even if they are not to us.  It doesn’t mean never expressing our opinion, never disagreeing, or letting anyone use us as a doormat.  You just do those things without being a bully.

Bullying has started becoming out of control, specifically on the internet.  And I’m not just talking about kids, I’m talking about adults, many of which would never speak the same things in person.

It is completely possible to share parenting ideas, discuss politics or religion, or post something funny while still being both nice and respectful. Some days, reading through my Facebook feed, you’d never guess that however.  There is a huge difference between saying “This is what I believe” and “Anyone who doesn’t believe this is an idiot.”  You can express your political opinion without commenting on the attractiveness of the politician.  And when you call anyone judgmental for disagreeing, tell them they are not allowed to feel offense, or that they can’t be your friend if they say anything that slightly opposes you, that is the icing on the bully cake.

A lot of bullying seems to be done through memes.  Maybe we feel that if it’s not actually our quote, it isn’t so bad?  I often read these things and wonder, if you were chatting with me at our kid’s baseball game, would you say to me that I’m just a simpleminded person who believes in sky fairies and thinks I can just pray to win the lottery?  At a birthday party, would you tell my 15 year old his disability is made up and he’s just a brat with horrible parents?  At work, would you tell me you are obviously smarter than me because I didn’t vote for the candidate you did?  No?  I didn’t think so, so why are you doing it on the internet?

There really is something to the idea that people are often too easily offended, but the key word there is "easily."  Sometimes we are truly being offensive.  Those being offended by your post have the right to be, just as much as you have the right to say what you want, or excuse it as "just being honest."  Do you really need to be purposefully hurtful to express yourself?

I enjoy discussion on various topics.  I have online connections with people of various backgrounds and beliefs.  I am offended by little, and I not only recognize, but appreciate good sarcasm.  I will often read your posts and links that reflect a different opinion than I have with great interest and sometimes learn some new stuff.  However, I am really getting tired of the bullies.  I start reading something that sounds very intelligent, and then it ends with “and you are stupid if you think otherwise.”  Even if I agreed with you up till then, I’m just completely turned off by the post after that. 

I’ve started quietly hiding certain people’s posts, unliking pages, and in some cases even “unfriending” online the bullies – not someone who has a bad day and says something they later realize they shouldn’t have, but those that continually put down others in their posts.  It makes you feel again like there might still be hope for humanity when you aren’t bombarded by the negativity every day.

Just be nice and be respectful.

That’s why they have wine.