That's Why We Have Strangers

Have you ever thought about why people are in your life?  Oh, come on, you know you’ve wondered about your mother-in law, your neighbor, maybe even your husband, admit it!

I think it is amazing how everyone, and I mean everyone, I’ve had in my life has affected me in some way.  My son would not be excited about church, I wouldn’t have ever thought to put chocolate in barbeque sauce, I would not have the wreath I have hanging on my front door, if not for the people I’ve encountered along the way. Even bad relationships have taught me something.

There is one random encounter I think about often.  When my son was 3, we were grocery shopping one day.  This may not sound like a very exciting event to you, but that just means you obviously don’t know my child.  You have not lived until you have maneuvered your way down every aisle of a grocery store catching boxes and cans being randomly thrown out of the back of the cart by your very unhappy toddler.

At the time, I did not have a good understanding of sensory processing issues or ADHD, or how those things could turn a grocery store into Evil Incarnate, but I did know it was frustrating.  Frustrating that this happened every time, frustrating that though I felt something was “off” I was just told he was being a boy, frustrating that it made me feel like a horrible mom.  Frustrating that most people would tell you to take your spawn of the devil home and leave your groceries, but I knew if I did that, we’d all be starving.  I had learned some coping skills though, and so when my son began doing this once we were walking down our second aisle, I calmly moved everything to the back of the cart or to the rack underneath, out of his reach.  Of course, because it was MY life after all, this just made him scream bloody murder at the top of his lungs because he couldn’t reach anything to throw.

I let him scream.  In fact, I left the cart right where it was and walked to the next aisle to get what I needed there, tears running down my face and an obvious look of defeat on my face.  Up to me walked a stranger, who said “Momma, you are doing a great job.  I’m a teacher, and trust me, I know how difficult some children can be, and it is not your fault.  Just keep doing what you are doing.”  I managed a tearful “Thank you” and walked away. 

Those few seconds, however, had a huge impact on my life.  I am not good at remembering faces, but I will always remember hers.  She is the woman who gave me hope, who made me feel like maybe I could handle this parenting thing, the woman who made me the mom I am. And I knew her for less than a minute.

My son is now a teenager.  He still likes to throw things (luckily we’ve channeled that into playing baseball!) and he still thinks the grocery store is the most horrible place on the face of the earth.  However, he has learned to tolerate the store for short amounts of time, and I’ve learned I need to tell him exactly what is on the list and not buy anything else (even a treat for him!) to make it a peaceful occasion.  

Never underestimate the impact you might have on someone.  And for those that have impacted you and not even realized it, raise a toast.  That’s why they have wine.  Just don’t take my son to the store when you go to buy it!