I Think I Can, I Think I Can...Crap, This Is Hard!

I am writing this to distract myself.

Eight or nine years ago, I wanted to lose a little weight.  I tried the South Beach diet, which consists of an initial phase of eating no carbs but for some non-starchy vegetables and then slowly adding “good” carbs back to your diet, and was successful.  I lost my pregnancy weight (and it was about time, as my “baby” was 5 years old), felt better, and truly lost the sweets craving that used to be my health downfall.  I stuck with the maintenance phase easily for years, maintaining both my weight and my health.

Then I turned 40.  About that time, a woman’s hormones get bored and decide to shake things up.  They create havoc and make you do all kinds of strange things.  One of those things is, coincidentally, blaming everything on hormones and taking no responsibility for particular actions, like screaming at the cat for the bell on her collar annoying you while you are consuming an entire chocolate cake.

Recently, when most of my clothes no longer fit me and routine tests revealed my cholesterol had gone up just past the acceptable level, I decided I needed to stop blaming the hormones.  So….I’m on day two of Phase 1 of South Beach, and I am finding myself plotting how to steal the hash browned potatoes and bread from my son’s plate and hide it under the squash and chicken sausage on mine.

Day 1 was not so bad.  I ate cottage cheese, raw veggies and hummus, almonds, and cheddar cheese.  I was full and I was happy and I was proud of myself for taking control of my health.

Today didn’t start so bad either.  This morning I boiled some eggs, making some extra for later in the week, and for lunch I made chicken salad with leftover chicken breast, celery, nuts, and just a smidge of mayo.  I snacked on baby carrots mid-afternoon.  Again, I was feeling good. 

Until about 2 hours ago.

At that point I had an almost uncontrollable urge to eat an entire bag of potato chips.

Instead, I grabbed a few more of those carrots and went outside to finish the Halloween decorations.  That’s when the visions of pasta and bread took over my brain.

I came back in and cooked dinner, trying so hard not to tear just a little bite off the bread or take a bite of potatoes.  I had to walk away and read a little about the benefits of a low carb diet to reinforce myself, and grab some more carrots a couple of times (good thing I stocked up), but I made it through.  I need to wash the dishes though and I’m scared to go back into the kitchen.  I don’t know what I might do.

Oh, no, it just occurred to me I still have to pack my son’s lunch!  This might be too much.

That’s why they have wine.  Too bad I’m not supposed to have any.  Well, maybe one glass wouldn’t hurt….