Things I Have Learned in My Life

Was reading a list today of things someone wished they knew when they were 18, and it made me think….what exactly have I learned in my 46-in-two-weeks years of life.  So here is my list.

1.       Your feelings matter.  Always.  If someone tells you they don’t, you do not need that person.

2.       There are a lot of things in life we have no control over.  Stressing about them won’t help.

3.       Wine can’t solve everything, but it sure helps sometimes.

4.       There is no such thing as too much sleep.

5.       Having a child can change your feelings on almost everything.

6.       Learning should never stop.

7.      No matter how much you think you’ll never be able to make it through a problem, you are still here.

8.      You are so much more than your bra size.  And again, if someone thinks you’re not, you do not need that person.

9.       Disney World is truly a magical place.  Especially Epcot, where there is wine (see #3).

10.  You have to let everyone else be who they are.  You can choose whether or not to have them in your life, but you can’t choose to make them fit your life, they do or they don’t .

11.   You never know how something will turn out until you try it.

12.   Driving 5 miles to get gasoline for 2 cents less a gallon really isn’t worth it.

13.   You are never too old to be confused by 5^th grade math homework.

14.   No one can truly know you if you don’t let them in.

15.   Sometimes you have to ask for help.

16.   There will always be someone that tries to make your life more difficult.

17.  Always check your child’s pockets before doing the laundry.  And your husband’s.  They both carry around strange things that can give your clothing a whole new look.

18.  When you check pockets before doing laundry, you are bound to find some money, even if it’s a few spare pennies.

19.   We are not all the same, that is the reason for the word “compromise.”

20.   Chicken and Waffle potato chips are nasty.  They just are.

21.   Everyone has at least one good quality.

22.   You would be surprised at what some people really think of you.  And most often, it’s a pleasant surprise.

23.   Yoga pants are a gift from God.

24.   You WILL do something you swore you never would.

25.   Love isn’t really about you.  True love is an unselfish emotion.

26.   You CAN do it.  Thinking you can’t is your biggest obstacle.

27.   The Serenity Prayer is one of the wisest things ever written.

28.   There is nothing more freeing than forgiveness.

29.   You can meet some of your greatest friends on the internet.

30.   There is just something special about being at the beach.

31.  While it can sometimes drive you crazy, a pet that never wants to leave your side is a blessing.

32.   We can’t really appreciate the good without knowing the bad.

33.   Money really can’t buy happiness, but the pursuit of money can cause misery.

34.   The small things in life are what you will remember the most fondly.

35.   Sometimes the things we fight against the most are exactly what we need.

36.   Soaking in the bath reading a gossip magazine and drinking a glass of wine can be a truly awesome night.

37.   God will send you messages in some of the strangest, unexpected ways.

38.   Everyone is afraid of change, but the world would not have come this far without it.

39.   It’s OK to watch children’s shows without any children present.

40.  When you reach menopause, you no longer have control of anything about your body.  You will get pimples in your wrinkles and the weight in your rear will mysteriously move to your belly in your sleep.

41.   You ARE the only person who knows how to put the toilet paper on the spindle.

42.   Time goes by so much faster the older you get, so enjoy every moment of it.

43.  If your life is focused on what you can do for others rather on what they can do for you, you will be so much happier.

44.  No one, absolutely no one, is more important than someone else.  That also means no one is less important, something that is often forgot.

45.   Jealousy is an extremely destructive emotion.

46.  Most people are too busy with their own problems to be out to get you.  You have to stop blaming them for your own problems.

47.   Our biggest joys in life are often unexpected.

48.   Our biggest problems in life are often self-made.

49.   Fuzzy character slippers are something everyone should have.

50.   Things I’ve learned in life don’t mean anything unless I implement the lessons.

But You Told Me Not To Do That

My 12 year old is currently playing on two baseball teams, for the Hurricanes he pitches and plays first base, and for the Tide he plays outfield.  All very different types of throwing.

After Thursday’s Tide practice, he asked if he could use the heating pad because his arm really hurt.  Asked him where…mainly the shoulder and somewhat at the elbow.  Asked him when…started during warm ups. (He should have told a coach at that point, but that’s a whole other story!)  Took him home, gave him ibuprofen and the heating pad.

Friday morning, asked him how he felt, he made a throwing motion, and said it still hurt.  Gave him ibuprofen and talked to his Hurricanes coach and let him know Aiden would be unable to pitch at that night’s game due to his arm hurting.  His coach chose to completely sit him out to rest his arm, and I told Aiden that at his dad’s this weekend he was not to play baseball, football, or golf, or anything else where he was using his arm, he needed to rest it.  Apparently he took that quite literally.

I called him Saturday morning and asked how his arm felt.

“I don’t know.”

“What do you mean you don’t know?”

“I’m being good and listening, I haven’t used it.”

“Ok, well can you make one throwing motion and tell me how it feels?”

“But you told me not to do that.”  Well, at least he listens.

I did finally convince him to make the motion, still hurt, but not nearly as much, told him to take an ibuprofen at that time and again at dinner. 

Today, I just avoided the conversation and texted him to take an ibuprofen.

And that’s why they have wine.

Of Baby Dolls and Victoria's Secret Models

A couple of days ago, on a Facebook page, there was a picture of an anatomically correct male baby doll, and, as Facebook is for, a discussion on it.

I happened to be sitting in a hotel room with my son on a little weekend getaway to Sea World, and he was sitting next to me as I was browsing on my tablet.  I was kind of fascinated with this discussion, as I was surprised how many people thought an anatomically correct baby doll was not only bad, not only something they didn’t want their children to have, but something that was one of the reasons for bad things in our society and ultimately something that a reader requested be removed from the Facebook page as they were offended.  My son, 12 years old, saw the picture and did a double take.  I told him it was a baby doll.  “Oh, cool, why are you talking about a baby doll?”

I am not a parent that just answers “Don’t worry about it.”  I keep things age appropriate, but I believe being open about and honest about the world and things in it, and why I am talking about a baby doll is something I will give a real answer to.  “We’re talking about the baby doll looking real.  A lot of people think that is a bad thing.”

“Why?”

“Honestly, that is hard for me to answer, I don’t understand it.  Body parts are body parts. Having a penis is no different than having an arm.”

“You can’t pee from your arm.”  Of course it took me a minute to figure out what he said, as he was laughing outrageously at his own potty humor.

We had a pretty interesting discussion about body parts, and how we don’t let anyone but family and our doctor see them, and, well, good thing I had a glass of wine before this came up!

I’ve never made nakedness or body parts a shameful thing in our house.  When he was a toddler, he was allowed to take a shower with me or his dad.  He knows what bodies look like, and as a result he’s never had a fascination with them, they are what they are.  Men and women look different under their underwear, women wear a bra to hold the breasts that babies are fed from, and men can pee standing behind a tree.  As he’s gotten older, I’ve taught that we need to respect people’s privacy when changing clothes or taking a shower, but yet he still has urgent questions that must be answered while he’s wearing only socks and a baseball heart guard and I have to tell him to go put pants on before talking to me.  If he accidentally walks in on me changing, I’ve never even gasped much less made a big deal of it because, well, then that makes it a big deal.

These things have not made him fascinated with sex, much less turned him into some kind of deviant.  An anatomically correct doll is just that, an anatomically correct doll.  That is what babies look like, and there is absolutely nothing wrong with the fact that we have the body parts that we do.  For goodness sakes, if your 2 year old asks what a penis is, you say that is how a male pees, you don’t have to go into sexual detail!

Ironically, while my son and I were having this conversation, a Victoria’s Secret commercial came on TV, women in skimpy underwear acting as nothing but sex objects.  THAT won’t give our children inappropriate and inaccurate messages, but a male baby doll will.


That's why they have wine!

Baseball Moms

Baseball Moms.

We are perhaps a unique breed.  You name a number, we can give you a name.  Need to get a stain out of white pants, we are your savior.  Want to know how to feed your child lunch in 2-1/2 minutes between games while they are transporting their equipment, we are there.  Not  to mention we have an extra sandwich for the child brought by only their dad,   A backseat in our car full of blankets and sweatshirts.  Extra chairs in our trunk.  And extra love and support for all of them, along with sunscreen and bug spray.

We are a family.  Sometimes dysfunctional, but who isn’t?  We share our joys, our concerns, our pain.  And the occasional glass of wine.  Or beer.  Or Gatorade if that is all that is available.

We cheer for each other’s children, run for ice packs if they are hit by a ball, console them if they had a bad day.  Buy plastic zebras to motivate them, promise them milkshakes, read them toilet trivia…please do not make me go on!

I love my fellow baseball moms, no community I would be prouder of belonging to!

A toast to my baseball family!  THAT’S why they have wine!

 

The Attack of The Tiny Rubber Bands

When you have a child with severe fine motor delays and ADHD (meaning LOW frustration levels), the request to go to the craft store to buy a kit to make bracelets out of tiny little rubber bands does not exactly elicit a response of excitement.   When that request was made this evening, my brain immediately jumped to trying to distract him.

He was relentless.  He really wanted to try this and he was willing to spend his own money.  So I thought more.  He has been on a waiting list for Occupational Therapy for a year and a half, and in another couple of months insurance will no longer cover it (conveniently, there are no in-network providers in our major metropolitan area), and his neurologist did tell me to encourage any activities that would work on those skills…and so off to Michael’s we went.

We got home, and he set the bag on the counter and announced he was going to see if the boys across the street could play outside.  Whew, coming down with a cold and not feeling so well, so happy to not have to deal with any whining and crying.  But the boys were not home.  Bag came out, rubber bands spread out all over the dining room table.  And Aiden quietly sat there for an hour, looking up instructions on You Tube, and attempting to follow them.  No bracelet at that time, not even a few loops, but no problems either.

I told him I was proud of his efforts, and asked if he wanted to go get a pizza for dinner.   Of course he did, so off we went, and upon return he immediately returned to the rubber bands.  After a few minutes, he asked if I could possibly help figure out the directions.  He had all the bands on the loom perfectly, but just couldn’t get them to loop together right.  No problem, this should be fairly easy, after all this is a kid’s craft item. It is now obvious that children are apparently smarter than me.

After about 20 minutes, I figured out what we were supposed to be doing with the design he was trying to do.  I showed him how, but the bands kept coming off the loom when he tried, and frustration kicked in.  He went off to his room teary-eyed, and when I went to check on him he said that he would never be able to do this.

“If that is your attitude, yep, you are right.  You will never be able to do what you don’t believe you can.”  And then I left to go clean the kitchen.

About 3 minutes later, I saw him quietly sneak back to the dining room.  He took the rubber bands he had on the loom off and started over.  He asked me to show him again.  I did, and getting the bands on the hook is difficult for him, thanks to those fine motor delays, but he managed to get a few of the loops done.  I saw the frustration coming back, asked him if he wanted to watch a movie and start over tomorrow.  I got a big nod in return.

No bracelet yet, but he has not given up and there were no meltdowns, and that is a huge accomplishment.  I let him know how proud I was of his determination, and of how much more mature he was in handling things.  And I really am.

Tomorrow there will be a bracelet.  I know there will.

Now if only I could figure out how to successfully make one….That’s why they have wine.