If Only It Was So Easy

Last week my son told me he thought he needed a med increase.  I asked him why, and he said it was due to the increase of a particular related problem that the medication unexpectedly helps.

He is on ADHD medication due to his difficulties he was having in school.  Yes, we have had difficulties at home, including extreme tantrums and outbursts, but we’d always handled those…and, well, you can guess where the name of my blog came from.  I admit, those symptoms are also helped with the medication and I’m not going to deny being happy about that.  Not only does it make his life happier and easier, it takes away a HUGE amount of my stress.

I told him I didn’t want to ask the doctor for a med increase just to help with an unintended effect, and that we would deal with it in other ways.  He understood, and agreed he did not need more medicine.  He is doing great in school, he just got all A’s for the first time EVER, and seems to be doing well socially also. 

Now that he mentioned increase, however, I’m starting to notice the rise in other symptoms outside of school.  He is 12, he is starting puberty, and his doctor warned me it could get bumpy and could require med adjustments.  I had to tell him at LEAST 10 times this evening to “settle down,” and I haven’t had to even tell him that once a day for quite a while.  This morning on the way to school, my usually half-asleep kid talked so much he actually asked me what was making him talk so much.  I don’t think he’s remembered a single thing I’ve told him this week, and he’s asked me the same questions so many times I can now predict them.  I’ve had to shake his arm several times to get him out of “zone-out” when talking to him.  No meltdowns so far, but we came close when I told him I was not taking him to spend the money he was saving for a game that comes out next week on a different one that came out today just because he was impatient.   I managed to distract him with something else, thank goodness.

He has an appointment with his neurologist in a couple of weeks.  Like I said, he was put on medication for his school performance, and he’s doing fine there.  But, yes, he is certainly is exhibiting a lot of other symptoms.  And I’m afraid it WILL start carrying over to school.  He is doing so well right now, I don’t want him to stumble.  But I don’t want to give him more medication than he needs.  I don’t know what to do.

People not in this situation think that it’s such an easy choice to choose to give medication to your child…you are a wonderful parent who is superhuman and can fix all the problems without it, or you are a failure who gives it to your child so you don’t have to do anything.  Simple, easy, black and white.  I only wish it was so easy, then I wouldn’t even be needing to write this to help myself sort through my thoughts.

That’s why they have wine.  Too bad I’m out.

It CAN Happen to Your Child

  

Locally, a 12-year old girl, Rebecca Sedwick, chose to take her life after enduring long-term bullying both online and off.  Unfortunately, she is not the first child to feel this was her only choice.  And she won’t be the last.  However, since two girls who were bullying her were arrested in association with this incident, this has become national news, and hopefully will open some parents’ eyes.

It can happen to your child.

Yes, YOURS.

Realizing that is the first step in preventing such a tragedy in your family.  There are no super parents who can ensure nothing bad ever happens to their child.  There is no person, much less child, who does not feel an effect from being taunted, teased, or harassed.  There is nothing that you can do to prevent other children from behaving in a particular manner.

“Kids just need to toughen up!  Back in my day, we just had a fight on the playground and got it over with.”

We’re not back in your day.  We’re not back in my day.  We’re not even back in last week.  We have a rapidly changing world with ever changing technology.  Technology that now allows kids to record that fight on the playground, post it on social media sites for thousands to see, and for even strangers to comment on.  The bullying doesn’t end at the end of the school day when you go home, and it doesn’t stop just because your child is not in the physical presence of the bully.  And back in your day, the playground fights didn’t involve guns.

“I would just take my child’s phone/tablet/computer away if someone was bothering them, problem solved.”

The tablet isn’t the one bullying your child.  This may not be what you say, but this is what your child hears: “Yes, honey, I know you did not do anything wrong and you’ve used your device responsibly, but I’m taking it away because other children can’t behave.  I am cutting you off from communication with those friends who do support you.  I don’t have time to deal with this anymore, and it’s easier for me this way.”  Well, and then you have to sit and help them do their homework when they need to research or type something so as to not leave them alone with an electronic device.

“Everyone loves my child, no one would ever pick on him.”

No matter how lovable your child is, not everyone else sees that.  Other kids can find anything to make fun of someone for.  All it takes is a pimple, a bad hair day, a dropped lunch, a misspoken word, an overbearing parent …..

So, what do you do?  Be prepared.  Talk to your kids about bullying before it happens, so that they feel comfortable talking to you when it does.  Have a plan, give them some defense strategies, make them feel like they are safe coming to you for anything.  Let them know you love them no matter what and you can help them get through anything.

Look at things from a whole new angle.  A Facebook account can be seen as something that might hurt a child, or, the contrary, it can be an amazing tool in finding out not only how your child’s friends act when they are not in front of you, but in finding out how their parents act too.  Then you know what you are up against.

Parenting can be really difficult and complex, it’s not an easy job.  That’s why they have wine!

 

 

Anxiety

Anxiety.  Why does it have to exist?

My son, he can pitch pretty darn good.  Two weeks ago, he was the starting pitcher in a game.  In 4 innings, he pitched 9 strikeouts, but all he remembers are the bad pitches.

I keep his pitch count at every game, and this is not your ordinary pitch count!  I track every statistic important to him…..how many pitches per batter per inning and how many of those were balls or strikes, how many pickoff attempts (and how many were successful), if the batter got a hit, if the batter was walked…  I hand him the paper after the game and he studies it for days.  Yet, he only seems to notice the “bad” stuff.

He recently was asked to join a travel team, something he takes great pride in, but tonight when the coach asked him if he was ready to go in and relief pitch, he had a much less than enthusiastic response.  Anxiety.  Extreme anxiety!  I had a discussion with him on the way home, and he said he thought he was a really good pitcher in regular league ball but not in travel ball.  I asked him, “Um, if you pitch a strike to a kid in league ball, or throw that same pitch to a kid in travel ball, what is it the difference?”

“Um, I don’t know.”

“There isn’t one.  A good pitch is a good pitch.”

“But what if they hit it?”

“Then your teammates will field it, that is what they are there for.”

“But they hit it harder in travel ball.”

“But your fielders are better in travel ball.”

“But….”

And but, and but, and but.

Finally, I said, “Do you think I will be mad if you don’t pitch a good game?”

“I don’t know.”

“Have I EVER been upset over a game?”

“I don’t think so.”

“You know that coaches want you to pitch because you can, right?”

“I guess so.”

“And being part of a team is doing what you are good at to help?”

“Duh, Mom.”

“So?”

“Sorry, Mom.  I just get scared people will get mad.”

Anxiety.  An emotion I wish we didn’t have!  But, I understand, I get it too.  That’s why they have wine.  Unfortunately, not a good solution for helping your kid!