This Is So Hard

On a normal day, I am busy.  I work full time.  I run my child around to baseball practices and games.  I try to get involved in as many things at his school that I can.  I spend a lot of time helping him with schoolwork as he has difficulties that present extra challenges.  And of course we still need to eat dinner and have clean clothes and have lunches packed and have a home in a livable condition.  My husband works evenings, so unfortunately I’m left alone to accomplish most of this stuff.

And then the cat gets sick.  Not just a little sick, she has FLD (Fatty Liver Disease).  Treatment for FLD is to basically overfeed the cat until they can push all the bad stuff that is in their liver out, and giving them several different medications.  Doesn’t sound so bad, huh?  Well, when you then consider that the FLD causes the cat to be nauseous and have no appetite, and that the medication is in pill form, it makes it a bit hard.  The cat needs to be force-fed numerous times a day.  In order to do this, you must take the prescription canned food, mix in a little water, and put it in syringes.  If the can has already been opened and has been put in the refrigerator, the food first needs to be heated to room temperature.  Numerous syringes need to be used for each feeding.  In the mornings, the medication needs to be crushed and mixed in the food, because I can’t get her to swallow them whole.   And that is just the preparation.

When feeding, the cat needs to be placed somewhere she can’t where she can’t back away.  I’ve turned my dining room into Animal Hospital Central.  There is a large towel over the table, on which I have placed a medium sized cardboard box.  I place her in the box, and then put a towel over her to help me hold her in.  And then I have to try to hold her still while shooting about 2 cc’s of food into her mouth at a time, with a target amount of 40 cc’s to be fed.  She squirms.  She tries to claw me.  She tries to bite.  She spits some out, some with such force it ends up in the next room.  I’ve gone through at least a half a box of band-aids for my wounds.  She goes and hides in places I can't reach her so that I won't feed her again.

And after a week of this, she now gets so anxious when I even take her in that room she starts drooling excessively, and has started throwing much of it up after I have finished.  Luckily, I have gotten her to eat some food on her own.  Chicken nuggets from the pizza place down the street and canned tuna being the most tempting.  Unluckily, if she does not eat enough, she will die.  And I am in a position where her life is in my hands.  It is extremely stressful, especially when the cat is the beloved pet of your child.

This is really taking a toll on ME.  Like I said at the beginning, I’m already very busy.  Feeding the cat takes up all of the little free time I have.  I dream about the cat.  I’ve developed heartburn.  I can’t sleep.  I’ve lost weight (OK, I’m not going to complain about that one).  I woke up this morning so exhausted I could hardly move, had a headache, and my stomach was upset.  I called in sick to work.  I let my son out of the car in the school line a few minutes earlier than they are supposed to be there because I had to vomit, and the school line really isn’t where I wanted to do that.  I slept much of the day.

I took the cat for her vet appointment this evening so they could check on her progress.  She is improving.  The vet agreed with me that the force-feedings are stressing her and if she is just going to vomit it back up, it’s not going to do much good.  Because she is eating some on her own, I’m to keep trying to get her to do so, and cut down the force-feedings so maybe she’ll have more of an appetite for eating on her own.  So while the stress (and time) of the force feedings is decreasing, the stress of knowing if she is going to eat enough to live has gone up.  I’ve discussed the issue with my son, if she keeps improving, we’ll keep doing what we’re doing.  If not, we need to end her suffering, because we are basically just extending her illness in that case. 

This is really hard.  And this is really one of those reasons why they have wine.  Unfortunately, I’m too tired to drink it.

Teachers That Make A Difference

Aiden has been struggling in school.  He has been struggling some for all of his school life, but last year and this year, especially so.  And in the last couple months, he’s been “acting out” some in school by attempting to basically be the class clown, and doing things to try to “impress” his classmates.

Yesterday, about a half an hour after I sent him to bed early because I was so frustrated with him over a lie about something really stupid that he was trying to convince me of, he came out of his room and asked me if he could tell me the truth.  The truth led to a very good discussion.  We talked about the fact that though he was never officially diagnosed with ADHD and sensory processing issues until recently, that he has always had them.  That he is still the same kid he ever was.  That the same expectations for behavior and academic work still exist, and that if he was capable of certain things before, he was still capable of them.  And he admitted that in addition to the struggles he already had, the diagnosis made him feel “not normal.”

I told him EVERYONE has an issue.  Some people have learning disabilities.  Some people have physical disabilities.  Some people are mean.  Some people don’t like chocolate.  Everyone has an issue.

Then I told him, “I challenge you to name me someone you think is completely normal.”  He thought for about a minute.  Then, he answered.  Did he say his mom?  His dad?  His stepdad?  His hero, Evan Longoria?  No, he said “What about Tom Cruise?”

“Um, honey, that’s the best you could come up with?  You just proved my point.”

This evening, after I picked him up from tutoring,  we had a conference with all his teachers to go over some strategies to help him to not fail the 6^th grade.  It was a good conference.  He will be sent home with a sheet each day listing his homework.  He will be prompted to turn things in.  They told him he does not deserve to fail, his abilities were above that.  They asked him if they needed to move his seat in his various classes to be farther from people that may distract him. 

Then one teacher asked him how he felt about his ADHD.  I felt as if there had been a fly on the wall last night during our conversation.  I told Aiden it was OK to tell them what he told me.  He did.  They told him that didn’t make him as different as he thought it did.  That more kids than he realized had the same.  That it didn’t make him unable to do his schoolwork.  Then, the teacher who originally asked the question, told him that they also struggle with the same things in 6th grade, and that they have ADHD too.  That really meant something to Aiden.

He’s now, at least for today, very onboard with trying harder at his schoolwork, and behaving better in class.  He even started looking through his backpack for tonight’s homework, and asked his Science teacher for another sheet because he couldn’t find it.  The support of others besides your parents, in anything, can make a huge difference to a child.  The fact that I told him he could upgrade to a modern cell phone if he passed probably didn’t hurt either.

When he got home, he put away his toys in the garage that I asked him to pick up without complaint.  He did his homework.  He’s been overly pleasant.

However, at this moment, he is eating a whole box of Rock Candy, aka pure sugar, that my mother gave him. (Pretty sure this is payback for something I did as a kid.) The tide could turn at any moment!  And that’s why they have wine.

A Very Important Diva

Animals all have such unique personalities.  They all bring something different to your life.  Perhaps that is why we have a house full of them.

Our cat Nala, she can be a little diva.  Um, actually, by “our” cat, I really mean my son “Aiden’s” cat, and that is one of those things she’d be sure to let you know.  If he is not here, she is not happy, she’ll spend quite a bit of her time looking for him or giving you dirty looks because she can’t find him.

And that is not all.  That water in the bowl in the kitchen?  Well, one of the dogs was spotted drinking out of that, you better give her fresh.  That spot on the bed?  You want to lay there?  Hahahahahaha!  You think you want to play a video game?  Think again, you want to pet a cat!  Especially if you are trying to play that game while sitting on the top bunk bed, which is certainly known to all of the world as Nala’s kingdom. Eating chicken?  You better not leave it unattended.   And of course, everyone wants to hear her meow all day, every day, she is a talker!

Nala has been acting a little weird the last week or so.  Very little “conversation,” eliciting even a single meow has become a challenge.  She hasn’t been sitting on Aiden’s top bunk, much less trying to take control of the Xbox controller while she is there.  Still eating, but not trying to steal anything from your plate.

Yesterday she started acting very sick.  Vomiting.  Won’t eat, not even people food.  I forced her to drink water from a medicine syringe this morning because she would not drink, only stare at the water bowl.

Aiden and I took her to the vet this afternoon.  She was actually in better spirits than this morning and was drinking some water on her own this afternoon, I was thinking maybe she just had a virus and was recovering.  At first, I think the vet did too.  Until she looked at Nala’s ears and mouth, and said she was jaundiced.  She said this could be quite serious. This could be something  we may have to discuss “options” for.    Aiden suddenly busied himself with all the animal photos on the wall and tuned things out. 

Nala is still at the vet.  She’s being given IV’s and tested.  She has to stay there at least until tomorrow.  She is only 4 years old, and one of Aiden’s best friends.

Aiden, he is exhibiting his own unusual behavior.  Completely ignoring the rest of the animals, even when my cat is doing things that usually annoy him, like swatting him with her tail.  He studied for a test that he already took, even told a friend in his class that called him he couldn’t talk because he was studying for it.  He doesn’t want to talk about the cat, except that he did ask me could we please go visit her tomorrow if she can’t come home.

My heart is breaking. 

My cat, Ally, she just came to head bump me because she saw tears on my face.  Animals can be such an amazing part of your life.  I am praying that Aiden gets to keep Nala as part of his.

We're missing a very important member of our family tonight.  This is really a time I’m grateful that there is wine.  I hope I have enough.

 

The Baseball Field

Aiden returned home after playing with a friend, and I said “Tina called…”  His ears perked up.  Tina is a fellow baseball mom.  “And?” he answered.  “And, there is a tournament this weekend, their team is short some players, they want to know….”

“I’LL DO IT!”

“You don’t even know what I’m going to say.”

“They want to know if I can play.  I want to play.”

The baseball field is more home to Aiden than his actual house.  There, he is a completely different kid.  Confident, focused, determined.  The same kid who is too shy to give his own order in a restaurant is actually cocky standing on first base.  This is his comfort zone.  His obsession.  His whole world.

“Probably a bye on Friday, double header on Saturday, game on Sunday.  You have practice with your team Saturday morning.”

“I said I want to do it.”

I thought I had a completely free weekend.  Yes, practice Saturday, but that is 9 am and I won’t be awake yet so it doesn’t count.  Free weekends are rare for me.  And now they’re even rarer.  However, watching a child, who struggles in other parts of his life, excel and be so happy on the field is something I would never deny him no matter how many free weekends I have to give up.

That’s why they have coffee.

So What is Normal Anyways?

 

Are you normal?  Do you want to be?  What does that even mean?  And why is it important?

I kind of look at “normal” as a bad word.  One that means ordinary.  The same as the majority.  Boring.

I don’t want to be normal.  And that is probably a good thing, because I’m pretty sure a lot of people don’t consider me that.  Honestly, probably not even my own mother.

I’m quirky.  Opinionated.  Stubborn.  And that’s just using the socially acceptable terms.  Truth be known….I’m also a loner.  I’m introverted.  I get very involved in things going on in my own mind and don’t notice the real world.  I like animals more than people.  I have a hard time being sociable and I don’t really care, because I kind of like just spending time with me.   I like that at work my office space is WAY in the back by myself, and would not be surprised if my coworkers thought that was good too.

Give me a glass of wine or two and I’ll spill every thought in my head, which, yeah, is not so sociably acceptable either, but oh, well.  Not sure if that is why they have wine, but we’ll get to that point later…

My kid, he’s a little weird.  He’ll tell you that.  And he’ll tell you he probably got it from me.  He’s most likely correct.  He’s also one of the most confident middle school aged children I’ve met.  Maybe because he’s not expecting to be normal.

I’m very disturbed by a recent occurrence in our area where a 12-year old committed suicide for being bullied.  Even more disturbed by comments on news stories that blame him or the mother because apparently being kicked in the head and genitals is just ordinary experiences every middle school kid should expect.  Because he was little.  The same little size as my middle schooler, well, actually, about an inch taller and 5 pounds heavier.  Which, yeah, may not be “normal”, but is not wrong.  Not even out of the ordinary. 

My child, he tells me the “nicknames” he gets called at school because of his size.  Fortunately for him, God has blessed him with extraordinary athletic abilities.  He is the first kid picked, every time, for whatever sport, to be on a team.  It’s his defense, his means of respect.  Not all kids have that.  And they shouldn’t have to.  And I also would not be surprised if there was more that the child who took his life was being bullied about....kids that haven't reached puberty yet, and don't like girls, key words being DON'T LIKE GIRLS,  yet at this time get some more harrassment, just trust me on that.

Me, I’ve learned over the years to just like myself despite what others may think.  I think I’ve actually instilled a bit of that in my child, and even a couple of his friends.  But when you’re 12 and being physically assaulted and even adults , including the school administrators and school board and most especially the parents of all the kids that are bullies, all just bury their heads in the sand on purpose because they don’t want to deal with it, I can’t imagine the hurt, the real pain, they must feel.

That may be why they have wine, but I’m not sure that can even make me feel better about this kind of thing.  There is a reason I like animals better than people.