I'm Not A Feminist

What does it mean to support someone?

My teen has done some stuff over the 16 years of his life…lied to me, told me he hates me, bit me, not done as well in school as he’s capable of, even thrown up all over my bed when he could have easily leaned over the side (this last one is sarcasm, folks, feel like I need to say that in this day and age).  I don’t support ANY of those behaviors.  Not a one, nope, not anything that is going to make me say “I support you, so I am perfectly good with every choice you have made.”

How about the rest of you moms?  You good with those?  How about when your son comes home and admits to cheating on a test, do you pat him on the back and say “Good job, boy, I support you!”

No, that’s not how you parent?  Do you love and support your child?  Are you sure?  Yes, I agree that you do, sometimes we have to say we don’t agree, don’t think that is the best for you.  That is what actually makes us support our children.

So, then, your best female friend, your female coworker, your female neighbor, they do something you don’t agree with, do you say “Good job, friend, I support whatever you do”? Do you?

If you don’t, you are not pro-woman.  Being pro-woman means that we are part of the female Borg collective, and we support every decision.  What, you don’t know what the Borg are?  OUT, you are OUT!  My goodness, we can’t have dissent. (And if you really don’t know and would like to get my point, watch some Star Trek episodes, or at least Google the word.)

I was posed a question today, on why women don’t label themselves “feminist” even if they support equality – equal opportunities, equal pay, the right to vote, etc.  For me, it comes down to the modern day feminist movement is very abortion rights oriented.  I’m pro-life, it’s just not my group.

So, I’m anti-woman.  I believe something isn’t the right choice, but if I don’t support it, I don’t support women. I’m not worthy of support for my position as a woman, because that opinion makes me, well, unworthy of being a woman.  Apparently, there are levels of womanhood, and you have to checkmark all of the agenda items off to be one.  I think I made a recent post on this on Facebook, I don’t even know what gender I am because, well, I’m apparently not a woman, I have dared to have my own opinions (which ironically, would have made me a feminist back some years ago).  I’ve got the parts too, but those don’t count anymore.  I’m pretty sure I’m a human being, but who knows in these times?

For the record, I’m not for making legislation to tell everyone what to do, about abortion, or smoking pot, or wanting to go to a strip club, or a myriad of other things.  I do, however, hold opinions on those things, and if I’m talking to you about them, I’m going to try to persuade you to do what I think is the right thing, but in this day and age we live in, because I even have opinions on those subjects (you know, I actually THINK about how I feel about things instead of just going with the crowd), that makes me the most horrible, judgmental person on the face of the earth.

I’m good with that.  I have a brain, and I’m darn well going to use it.  That’s why they have wine.

The Attitude of Happiness

Every New Years, I hear a lot of people say “Thank goodness THAT year is over, and we are starting with a new one.”  Often, these same people said the same thing the year before.  I have a hard time being able to respond to that, being able to understand the reasoning.  It’s not just because that minute between 11:59 on December 31 and 12:00 on January 1 does not hold some kind of magic formula that suddenly makes everything right, it’s because I don’t understand how others don’t get that happiness is something that they actually control.

I’ve often been accused of having lived some charmed, perfect life because I believe that.  That could not be further from the truth, and I can tell you with certainty that I dealt with more stuff in my life by the time I was 15 than many people have when they are 50.  The difference, it’s attitude.

 

You are completely correct, attitude doesn’t make the bad things go away.  It does, however, help you to deal with them, to not allow them to overwhelm you or consume your life.  It does help you to see the good things that happen among the bad, the friend you would not have otherwise met, the trigger to change something in your life for the better, the love and outpouring of care from those around you.  To see the hope.

Sometimes it may take years to be able to look back at something and see those slivers of light, but they are there.  They are always there.

My problems didn’t end there, I’ve dealt with divorce, deaths of loved ones, health issues, financial difficulties, even abuse and rape among other things as I’ve aged, but I had already learned how to not let those bad things take over. The need to be able to act as an adult when I was 9 or 10, it has what has made me eager and able to see things as a child as an adult, to, in essence, have my childhood.  THAT has made me a better parent and often a better friend, to be able to find joy in the smallest things, to always be on the lookout for the silver lining.  Those bad things that happened in my life, they are what taught me what happiness really is, in all of its wondrous simplicity.  Without the bad, I couldn’t ever appreciate the good to its fullest.

My happiness doesn’t depend on my paycheck, how many friends I have, how pretty I am, who is President, or what health problems I do or do not have.  My happiness depends on ME, and I am in complete control of it.

Sometimes life gets hard, and that’s why they have wine, but in the end it is up to us to decide how we are going to let us affect us.

Here’s to 2018.  May it be just as great as every other year I have gotten to experience life, all of it, whatever it has thrown at me.