I Learned You Were Racist Today

One day, back in 2008, when my son was in the second grade, as I did every day, I asked him how his day was at school when I picked him up.

“I learned you were a racist today!”

“Um, OK.  And how did you learn this?”

“We had mock elections, it was a lot of fun.  But if you didn’t vote for Obama, you were racist.  You are not voting for Obama.”

“It’s a little too complicated to explain to someone your age, but I’m not voting for Obama because I agree more with Bush’s policies, that is what voting is supposed to be about, policies.  I don’t choose who I vote for based on skin color.”

“Well, everyone at school says you are racist if you don’t vote for Obama.”

“Well, if you see me do or say anything racist, let me know.”

“OK.”

Years later, when my son was in middle school and had found an interest in history and politics, on the way home from school one day, he out of the blue said, “Mom, I’m sorry for ever calling you racist.”

“What?”

“Remember, about Obama.”

“Oh, OK.  Thank you.”

“You aren’t racist, and I really don’t like some of Obama’s policies either.”

“I’m glad to see you have learned to think about this stuff.”

In 2008, I did not have a Facebook account, and probably many of you did not either.  I wouldn’t doubt, though, that if we did, I’d have been called a racist there for the same reason as what my 7 year old had been told, and that is the point where I think all of this began.  By all of this, I mean the assumption that anyone that has conservative views or is Republican is ABC and anyone that has liberal or Democrat views is XYZ.  It’s when we really began categorizing people and assuming who they voted for told us everything there was to know about them. The popularity of forums like Facebook and Twitter really amplified it, even to the point that many people deeply believe that.  I really understand now why my parents would not even tell us kids who they voted for.

I’m don’t belong to either of the 2 major parties.  I haven’t voted for a Republican presidential candidate since that 2008 election.  However, it is not because I assume the party to be racist or any other mass categorization, I just haven’t liked the candidates and some of their policies.  Ditto with the Democrat candidates, I didn’t vote for them either, not because I assume them all to be snowflakes or any other mass categorization, but because I didn’t like the candidates and some of their policies. 

A week ago, I stated that, though the white supremacist groups may have a hate message, they still have the same rights as the rest of Americans, including their right to protest and to free speech (as does any other group) and I was deemed to be racist and supporting the supremacists.  It wasn’t because I actually have racist or supremacist ideology, but just because it was the narrative of the day.  Personally, I’m not worried about the people who may think that of me, any more than I was worried about it when my son told me he learned I was.  I know what is in my heart, and, honestly, there is no way to “prove” that to anyone else, others have the choice to think what they do.  However, that type of assumption towards large groups of people because of what party they may belong to or who they voted for or because they support the laws of our land, it just fuels more hate and it’s not productive.

If you ever see me actually do or say something racist let me know.  If you see your coworkers,  neighbors, friends, or family do the same, let them know. 

Be mad at those that are yelling racial or religious epithets, be angry at those who belong to white supremacy groups, say something when your neighbor whispers, “I think the people who bought that house might be black.”  Remember that bigotry comes in a lot of forms, and stop yourself when you are about to say something about Muslims when you are actually referring to a terrorist group or about Christians when you are actually referring to the actions of one televangelist.  Realize that a hateful response to hate only fuels more hate, and that hate can only be overcome by our own loving actions. Know that hate is something that consumes and blinds you.  Understand that if someone has hate in their heart, that the blame does not lie on anyone but themselves, and it can only be eradicated by appealing to their heart. 

Listen to people, accept that there are different opinions, realize that most situations have a lot of complexity that can’t be summed up in a sound bite, and truly try to understand that there are other legitimate points of view on just about every topic.  Grow from being the 7 year old boy who believed the soundbite generalizations to the middle school one that learned how to look at people individually.  That’s how we combat hate.

When we start assuming everyone’s motives are racist, we diminish those that experience real racism, and we lose sight of who the actual perpetrators are.  Don’t be a part of that.

That’s why they have wine.