The Gift of Confidence

Confidence.  It really is an important thing in life.

I’ve always been strong willed and independent and marched to my own beat, but I didn’t always have the confidence to show it.   I remember both high school and college fondly, I really did enjoy my life, but there are things that when I think about them, I want to slap myself for.  Things I should have done, not done, stood up for, had influence on.  Things that I was just too shy and not confident enough to do.

Right now, at the age of 48 and ¾, I consider myself a confident person.  I still have some things that make me uncomfortable (talking on the phone, attending events alone, public speaking….), but that is more because I’m just an introvert.  Now you can’t get me to NOT express my opinion, to not take the action I feel is right, to not feel like the most important person to make happy is myself.  It took a long time and a lot of work to actually make it here though.  Having a child was actually a big help, when the only way you can make it through the grocery store is to sing along with the song playing on the speakers, LOUDLY, to appease your toddler, you have no choice but to let go of a lot of that pesky self-consciousness.  Having people actually finding my sarcastic wit to be funny when posting online was actually another big help, technology has been my friend.

I am proud of who I have become.  I am proud because I really, truly LIKE myself, and I really, truly, don’t care if anyone else does.  That, to me, is really what confidence is.

I know that in some political opinions, making sure your child has self-esteem is considered some kind of crazy notion, but, really, I think that is the biggest benefit you can give your child to get them through life.  Real self-esteem, that which comes not from just telling them they are great all the time or spoiling them or especially not teaching them that they are better than others, but that which comes from realizing we all have strengths, that we all have flaws that we have the capability to overcome, that we are worthy of love, especially love that comes from within.  That is what builds confidence.  It took me years of therapy and surviving bad choices that got me there, I’d rather try to give my own kid an easier road.

What made me even think about all this?  Blow drying my hair this morning.  Yep.  I’ve always hated my hair.  Its baby fine and easily gets split ends and ties itself in knots once it reaches a certain length (which is not even to my shoulders).  I listened to people who told me I should have longer hair, even though I felt it looked terrible and was really a pain to do anything with.  I usually just pulled it back in a ponytail because I couldn’t stand it.  I didn’t have the guts to try to find a style that might actually work with my hair.  A couple of months ago, I decided I wasn’t going to worry about what anyone else thought.  I got my hair cut short, and not just short, but cut in a rather alternative style.  AND I LOVE IT.  I’ve gotten negative feedback on it.  I don’t care.  This is the first style I’ve ever had in my life that I actually think looks good on me and works with my hair.  I feel good every day when I leave the house.  I feel confident.

It’s a great feeling that no one, no one, should have to wait until they are almost 49 years old to experience.  I am thankful for all that happened in my life because that is what got me to exactly where I am right now, but who knows what else I may have accomplished. Make sure you do all you can to give your children the gift of confidence.

That’s why they have wine.