I've Got This

In the last month or so, my son has started high school, started playing baseball for school, and has been given house keys.  And he is handling it all like a champ.

Those that know me, know my son, like his mom, can be an anxious kid.  This mom, however, has always had a goal to not let him suffer from it the way I have at times.  My many years of “You’ve got this” have now turned into “I’ve got this” and I couldn’t be prouder.

While anxiety is a struggle, understanding it personally does really help when dealing with it in someone else.  When my son is uncomfortable with something new, I instinctually know why, and can give him the tools and the coping mechanisms, and, most importantly, the security, which I wish someone had given me.

He likes to know the details:  What time are you going to be here to pick me up?  Where will you be? What time will you get to the game?  What if it rains?  Where do I store my equipment bag during the day?

Having the plan is key, and having a cell phone for when the plan goes astray is a wonderful thing.

In this last month of changes, a month that has made me an anxious mess, he’s been prepared.  I was a lot more nervous about the first day of school than he was (he played summer baseball for the school so he would know some other kids before going).  Anxiety about going out for fall ball was quickly alleviated by some answers I got from some of my fellow alumni about the program.  Realizing he could do those things, he’s really started to not need me anymore on anything else.  He’s got this.  He has taken things to the office for me, found out information about downloading text books we bought online, figured out software he needed for school, and a million other things, all on his own.  When I told him another player’s mom would be picking him up to drive him to Away games, he was fine with that, no complaining and no questions asked, though he used to not even want anyone but me, not his Grandma, not his Dad, no one, picking him up from school at all.  He does his homework without prompting, and WANTS me to look up his grades so he can gauge how he is doing. 

When we gave him house keys last week so he could stay at his friend’s house after we left for some errands, I let his friend’s mom know what we were doing.  He got mad at me, “Mom, I’VE GOT THIS!”

When I left to meet a friend yesterday evening before his dad got here to pick him up for the weekend, I told him his bag and keys were on the kitchen table, and didn’t worry about it.

He’s got this.

It makes me so happy to have a confident teenager.

That’s why they have wine.

The Gift of Confidence

Confidence.  It really is an important thing in life.

I’ve always been strong willed and independent and marched to my own beat, but I didn’t always have the confidence to show it.   I remember both high school and college fondly, I really did enjoy my life, but there are things that when I think about them, I want to slap myself for.  Things I should have done, not done, stood up for, had influence on.  Things that I was just too shy and not confident enough to do.

Right now, at the age of 48 and ¾, I consider myself a confident person.  I still have some things that make me uncomfortable (talking on the phone, attending events alone, public speaking….), but that is more because I’m just an introvert.  Now you can’t get me to NOT express my opinion, to not take the action I feel is right, to not feel like the most important person to make happy is myself.  It took a long time and a lot of work to actually make it here though.  Having a child was actually a big help, when the only way you can make it through the grocery store is to sing along with the song playing on the speakers, LOUDLY, to appease your toddler, you have no choice but to let go of a lot of that pesky self-consciousness.  Having people actually finding my sarcastic wit to be funny when posting online was actually another big help, technology has been my friend.

I am proud of who I have become.  I am proud because I really, truly LIKE myself, and I really, truly, don’t care if anyone else does.  That, to me, is really what confidence is.

I know that in some political opinions, making sure your child has self-esteem is considered some kind of crazy notion, but, really, I think that is the biggest benefit you can give your child to get them through life.  Real self-esteem, that which comes not from just telling them they are great all the time or spoiling them or especially not teaching them that they are better than others, but that which comes from realizing we all have strengths, that we all have flaws that we have the capability to overcome, that we are worthy of love, especially love that comes from within.  That is what builds confidence.  It took me years of therapy and surviving bad choices that got me there, I’d rather try to give my own kid an easier road.

What made me even think about all this?  Blow drying my hair this morning.  Yep.  I’ve always hated my hair.  Its baby fine and easily gets split ends and ties itself in knots once it reaches a certain length (which is not even to my shoulders).  I listened to people who told me I should have longer hair, even though I felt it looked terrible and was really a pain to do anything with.  I usually just pulled it back in a ponytail because I couldn’t stand it.  I didn’t have the guts to try to find a style that might actually work with my hair.  A couple of months ago, I decided I wasn’t going to worry about what anyone else thought.  I got my hair cut short, and not just short, but cut in a rather alternative style.  AND I LOVE IT.  I’ve gotten negative feedback on it.  I don’t care.  This is the first style I’ve ever had in my life that I actually think looks good on me and works with my hair.  I feel good every day when I leave the house.  I feel confident.

It’s a great feeling that no one, no one, should have to wait until they are almost 49 years old to experience.  I am thankful for all that happened in my life because that is what got me to exactly where I am right now, but who knows what else I may have accomplished. Make sure you do all you can to give your children the gift of confidence.

That’s why they have wine.

The Days of Princesses and Chicken Nuggets

As this was a holiday weekend, everyone in our home had a 3 day weekend.  The teen, he got even more, as he got a “hurricane day” on Thursday (his school, in the next county, was actually open, but I kept him home, the schools in ours were closed), and Friday was a scheduled day off for a Teacher Work Day.  On Saturday, my husband asked the teen if there was anything he’d like to do, anywhere he’d like to go this weekend.  Nope, nothing.

You’ve got to know what to ask.  I asked him yesterday if he’d like to go to Disney Springs, as I knew he was intrigued about a new store there, Trophy Room, affiliated with Michael Jordan.  He said yes, as long as he could “relax” on Sunday.  Relax? I’m not sure I’ve seen him leave his room since Wednesday after school, but at least he agreed to put on shoes and leave the confines or our property for a while.

We are Disney passholders, I can’t even count how many times we’ve been there over the years.  Today, however, I was a bit amused by the differences between when my son was younger and now.

At 5 years old, he would be awake at sunrise, ready to go.  At the parks, we HAD to wait in line to see Mickey, and even more importantly, Minnie and Daisy Duck, and perhaps a princess or two.  Every gift shop that had stuffed animals was a must do, and I’m pretty sure we never left without a new one.  Ice cream and popcorn and candy called his name at every possible location.  When at Disney Springs (which was then called Downtown Disney), we spent most of our time in the toy store, the pin store and carts, and the water fountains that the kids could run in.  I’ve even had to buy him new expensive Disney clothes in one of the shops (hmm, perhaps that was his plan), because his wet clothes from the fountains he spent HOURS in would irritate him to the point of tears.  When he got hungry, we’d get chicken nuggets for him at McDonalds.  He spent the day saying “I love you” and hugging me because he was so happy.

Today, he had one goal, to go the Trophy Room.  I had to wake him up at 9:30 this morning, and he slept in the car all the way there.  Though he has a good bit of money still left from Christmas and his birthday and for getting all “A’s”, he bought nothing there. He wanted nothing to eat, and when I got lunch, which was a bigger portion than I could eat, he wouldn’t even eat half (though he did eat my entire side of homemade pickles).  I couldn’t tempt him with cupcakes or candy.  As far as McDonald’s, it’s no longer there, and that is alright as he hasn’t eaten at McDonalds in years, because it is “not real food.”  As we walked through the new part of Disney Springs, with which we are not familiar, I asked him if he wanted to look at the directory to find his store.  He said no, that I should just pick a direction, only for him to tell me 5 minutes later that I picked the wrong one.  He spent our time telling me I was blind because I didn’t notice that there were a lot of people in FSU shirts, and that I didn’t notice a selfie stick.  He didn’t want to go in the toy store at all, and about the time we reached that far, he asked if I was ready to go.

At least he still enjoyed smelling the soap with me in Basin, and getting his free chocolate sample in Ghiradelli.

Kids grow up so fast, take advantage of every moment. That’s why they have wine.

*And I do know he still actually had a good time, because when we got in the car to go back home, he said “I love you, Mom.”  That is Aiden-code for “Thanks, I had fun.”  That, and he was a little taken aback when I told him when he and I go for an overnight at Disney next month, after I drop him off at school in the morning, I’m going back to Disney Springs to do some shopping while he’s in school.  A mom needs a little quiet shopping time sometimes, where she doesn’t have to worry about what team’s jerseys people are wearing!*