What Happened To Compassion?

As I sit here online applying a Passholder discount code to our reservations this fall at Disney’s Yacht and Beach Club resort, I can’t help feeling a little guilty.

Guilty because Disney is my happy place, my escape, the place I can go and actually not think about anything going on in the rest of the world or the rest of my life.

Guilty because my son recently listed Disney on a school project as his favorite place to go on vacation.

Guilty because we are Florida residents and passholders who have been to Disney more times than we can possibly count and have always had a good experience.

Guilty because we’ve sat on the resort “beaches,” at night, on various bodies of water, goofing around and having a great time, since my son was a toddler.

Guilty because my now teen and I have joked about alligators being on the shore trying to scare each other.

There is a family who went to the Walt Disney World Resort this week hoping for fun, happiness, and a lot of great memories.  That family had something very tragic and random and heartbreaking happen.  This will never be their happy place, their favorite vacation, happy memories.  They have to go home without a member of their family.  Their little boy will never be a teen like mine is. This wasn’t supposed to happen.  They are filled with grief, anger, sadness. 

And they have all the perfect people, parents and non-parents alike, judging them and scrutinizing their actions, and having to place blame somewhere.  They were just spending time having fun as a family, drawing closer to each other, and relaxing.  This was a freak act of nature. They deserve our prayers, our understanding, and our tears.  Can’t we even do that?

That’s why they have wine.

We Are ALL In This Together

A terrorist attack happened on US soil, a terrorist attack, A TERRORIST ATTACK, on the early morning hours of June 12.

It is scary.  It is sad.  It’s difficult to process.

When this happened on September 11, 2001, we united in shock as a nation.  We didn’t know what to think.  We didn’t know what to do.  We didn’t know how to react.  We said we would never forget, but, somehow, we seem to have forgotten.  We’re not a country united, we are a county torn apart.  In the last 36 hours or so, my social media feed is filled with posts scolding people for not reacting “correctly.”

So what is the correct reaction?  If I read through those posts, I am to presume it means to hate all religions.  To not understand that being Muslim and of middle eastern descent are not the same thing.  To ban all “machine guns” and “automatic weapons” which already are prohibited to be bought by your average American and were not used in this attack (nor any other mass shooting that gets referenced).  To not find this to be an attack on Americans or our country, but that it was an attack solely on gays (because somehow they don’t fit in the American group?) To not, God forbid, go to your kid’s soccer game or be proud of an accomplishment they had or stress out over your job or make dinner….or any other normal activity in your life.  To feel guilty for not changing your profile picture to show support, because, hey, that just makes everything better. To not dare post a fact, because then you are not thinking of the victims.  Even to find this to be a great reason to blame all Christians, especially if they are Republican, for our issues.

I’m sorry, I can’t make my world all rainbows and unicorns again by changing my profile picture, pretending that people would not still be able to find a way to kill if guns didn’t exist, and dressing in black (or should that be rainbow) and do absolutely nothing but mourn for, well, how long is the correct reactionary period anyway?

This is an event that obviously touches a lot of people.  We all react to fear and grief and shock differently.  I write, I talk.  I, as with any other hard issue, don’t react emotionally.  I try to gather details, try to make sense, try to think of what might be the most practical solution.  And I do that while I’m watching my son play baseball and folding the laundry and doing errands and getting the stuff done I need to get done at my job.  Other people may react differently.  And that is OK.  It doesn’t make us enemies.  We are all victims of this attack, and our real enemy is likely laughing at us for making their job easier as we tear our own communities apart.

I pray we can realize we are ONE nation, we are all human beings, we are all in this together, gay, straight, liberal, conservative, black, white, religious (even Muslims!) or atheist.

And I’ll do that while I’m continuing to live my life and being proud to be an American.

That’s why they have wine.

The Small Things Can Mean a Lot

Tomorrow my son graduates from 8^th grade.

I’ve heard people my age talking about how we didn’t graduate from anything until high school, that we didn’t have dances, that we didn’t get gifts for finishing what we then called Jr. High, and that it is crazy that we make a big deal out of it now.  I admit, I have had some of the same thoughts.

Is 8^th grade supposed to be that much of an accomplishment?  Do we need to buy fancy clothes our kids will never wear again to watch them go up on stage somewhere the school shelled out big bucks for to hold the event?  Does the 8^th grade dance take away some of the specialness of high school homecoming and prom?  Are we making our kids expect gifts for every little thing they do?

I’m still very excited that my son is graduating. 

His school doesn’t have dances.  Graduation is in the lunch room, they won’t be wearing caps and gowns, and parents donated money to have a cake and sodas afterward.  My son goes to a school for children with various learning and neurological disabilities.  For us, yes, this is a huge accomplishment to be celebrated, especially because he is not attending there for high school.  We were told he is ready for, and needs to, attend “regular” high school, that they cannot provide him with the more advanced resources that he is ready for.

He went to a normal public school for all of elementary, and his “first” year of 6^th grade.  I can’t even begin to count the number of conferences I’ve had with teachers, principals, and ESE staff over the years.  Not the projects that caused severe meltdowns, the homework cried over and then never turned in, the tests failed, the being taken advantage of by other students, the notes and calls from teachers, the lies, the tantrums.  He was actually even suspended once in the 3^rd grade.

I seriously had days, tearful days, when I couldn’t imagine that he would ever make it this far.

When he came about 2 percentage points from failing the fifth grade, I started pushing.  Pushing teachers, pushing his doctor, aggressively pursuing anything I could find that might help him.  He is bright, funny, sensitive, caring, he is a GREAT kid, but all of that was getting lost somewhere, and that’s not who people saw, sometimes even me.

He started on medication.  It helped a lot at home, but at school he was still having issues, both socially and academically.  He wasn’t developmentally ready for middle school.  He failed sixth grade.

That is when I moved him to his current school.  There, he has had peers at the same developmental level as him.  There he has had individual attention to teach him in the way his brain works.  He has made a lot of friends his own age, and has had some extra time to catch up to what it is to be a young teen.  He has gotten all A’s for THREE years, with the exception of one B+.  His behavior issues have disappeared.  He recently got the student of the month award for the month that celebrated integrity.  He does his homework without prompting and in the last year, even with very little help.  He doesn’t lie to me, argue with me, and in fact he goes out of his way to help me and show he cares.  He is a pleasure to be around the majority of the time (he IS still a teenager!).  I don’t have to hide in the bathroom and cry anymore.

And I am so proud.

While we still always have to deal with some issues, he has worked so hard to overcome his obstacles, and I think he has even exceeded his own expectations.  So, I took the day off to not only attend his graduation, but to take him to do something special afterwards.  And we got him a gift.  

Graduating from 8^th grade IS an accomplishment.

That's why they have wine.  You need something to toast with.