I Don't Want Him in the Bathroom With Me

I don’t want him in the bathroom with me.  I never will. 

It’s not that I think he is a bad guy, that he is going to leer at me, or that he is going to hurt me. I don’t care what he is wearing or looks like.  I just don’t want him there.  It makes me uncomfortable.  I have a difficult enough time using the toilet if I think someone, anyone, can hear me, there is no way I could do it if he were in there with me.

I’ll hold it and wait until he is gone.  I’ll even wait till he is nowhere near the door.

Right now, some people are thinking I’m ignorant.  Or bigoted, prejudice, or hateful.  Some even construe that to mean I’m also obviously a bad parent and even racist.

No one wants to listen to my reasons, nor cares about my comfort.  My comfort is not important to anyone.  Apparently I’m so used to my privilege, that I feel persecuted when someone else is being treated equally to me, and it’s his right to go into any bathroom any time, and I just have to deal with it.

It doesn’t matter that we’ve both been using the bathroom all along without any issues, suddenly our feelings about bathrooms are everyone’s business to judge.

But, I’m sorry, I will never change my mind.  He’s not going to be in there when I’m peeing. He is just going to have to accept the fact that we will never use the bathroom together.

If you’re still with me, still reading, still think I’m an OK person, your reward is knowing that I am talking about my husband.  Those that didn’t because you assumed I was talking about something else and are writing me nasty comments and unfriending me, well, sorry you couldn’t hear me out.

There is so much division in society, so much “us versus them,” so much hate and anger and so little true caring and compassion.  We can’t even listen to each other.

Your neighbor, your coworker, your family member that isn’t just like you – invite them over and talk.  Listen. Care. Learn to understand their viewpoint.

Share a bottle of wine.  That’s why they have it.

A Shout Out To Working Moms

I don't usually give a crap about the "Mommy Wars," probably because I'm too worn out to worry about it, but today I read a blog today where the author, a stay at home mom, was "tired of being judged" because some working mom's said they envied her, and it really rubbed me the wrong way.

First, envy and judgment are not even close to being synonyms.  If someone says they envy you, how in the world is that an offense?  I'd like your life, and that makes me a terrible person?  Makes you a victim of something?  If so, I guess I'm also guilty of victimizing women with flat stomachs, anyone that doesn't suffer from acid reflux, and anyone who has hair that is not so baby fine that the only possible "style" you can have is pulled back in a sparse, pathetic pony tail.

Second, because I can afford a weekend getaway or a $300 baseball bat for my kid, is because I have a job, but that is not what all of my salary pays for.  When I say I NEED a job, it is because I have bills to pay.  Because I choose to use my college degree (the one that the students loans that paid for it were just paid off recently, when I was in my 40's) instead of working at McDonald's to earn that money, therefore make a little more of it, does not mean I'm lying.  You can't look at my new car and decide that I don't need my job.  You have no idea what actual bills I need to pay (like those pesky student loans or expensive medication for my child).  When you write a blog acting like anyone who can do more than you doesn't need a job, guess what, you're actually creating that bubble of judgment that you are claiming to be a victim of.

And lastly, yes, I do understand your job as a stay at home mom.  I understand it very well.  Why? Because I do it too, it just has to fit around that 8 hours a day I have to do my other job.  I still do laundry, buy groceries, cook dinner, clean, help with homework, take care of the pets, sew the stray button back on the school uniform, get up in the middle of the night with a vomiting child, take my kid to doctor's appointments, to sports practices, to tutoring.  I don't magically get granted a housekeeper and nanny because I work.  And you know what? I'm not going to feel guilty about that because you feel judged if I am honest about my life.  This is actually why I envy you, because that extra 8 hours a day might mean my bathroom stays cleaner or my family doesn't have to eat fast food because I have to spend that evening cleaning the turtle tank, and my son might not ever get annoyed with me because he has to wear baseball pants to his game that I pull out of the hamper.

I actually feel very blessed because my company allows me to work from my home office, so I do have the time to spend 2 hours a day in the car driving my son back and forth to school, and I can throw a load of laundry in real quick when I get up to take a bathroom break.  Most working mom's don't have that opportunity.

I have no issue with someone who is a stay at home mom, again, I would love to be one.  But for my fellow working moms, I feel your pain.  That's why they have wine, and sometimes we might need an extra glass.