Anxiety. We all have
it from time to time. Speaking in front
of a crowd, job interviews, getting married, having a child, all of these tend
to cause anxiety in most people.
Some people, however, they have anxiety about much
more. Talking to strangers, or even
those familiar, can render someone speechless.
Going to a new place can cause nightmares. Talking on the phone is something to be
avoided. Physical symptoms illnesses can
actually occur as a result. Other people
often view those with extreme anxiety as weird, incompetent, stupid, rude, or “bitchy.” All of this can cause even more anxiety.
I have Anxiety Disorder.
I was diagnosed as a young adult, though I can assure you I developed it
much earlier. Anxiety is more common
than you would think in children, but even parents, not knowing it is possible
for this kind of thing to happen to a child, tend to label it as being a
brat. My own child has anxiety also, and
has from a young age. He is not specifically being treated for it right now,
though he is treated for other issues, but if it becomes unmanageable, I will
not hesitate. A close friend recently
told me that I’m probably just really good at helping him deal with it because
I understand it on a personal level.
Some of the things to recognize that your child or teen or
an adult close to you might have anxiety include a sudden loss of interest in
their favorite activities, not wanting to leave the house, not wanting to
attend social activities, not wanting to learn to drive, bad test grades
(especially if they obviously know the material), unexplained stomach and
headaches, extreme stubbornness, argumentativeness. Anxiety also often occurs hand and hand with
depression. If your child or loved one appears
to be exhibiting these symptoms, especially if it is diminishing their quality
of life (and probably even yours), please speak to them and their doctor about
it.
None of these things can be helped by yelling at your child,
grounding him, or taking away items, and you can’t “guilt” your loved one into
changing. They aren’t being bad or rude
or uncaring, they are truly suffering.
They need understanding, reassurance, structure, coping skills, and
sometimes medication. Yes,
medication. We don’t question taking
Penicillin for a sinus infection, but we shame people for taking medication for
a problem in their brain. I have a
prescription bottle in my purse I was prescribed almost 2 years ago to the day
for 10 Xanax. I still have 2 left. When I take one, I don’t feel a “high”, I actually
just am able to feel normal. We’re not just looking for drugs. There was a time where I took 2-3 per day
just to get through (and was actually prescribed 4 per day), but that was when
I was still in therapy and hadn’t mastered my coping skills yet. Those same
coping skills I’ve taught to my child in the hopes he will never need
medication for it.
Anyone who is a parent of a child on a baseball team Aiden
has played on has heard me yell “Deep breath!” when I see the look on his face
that tells me he is not feeling so great, especially when he is pitching. That one works so well even coaches have
picked up on saying it, not only to him, but other players. I don’t question
him when he says he wants to eat at a table outside even when it’s 95 degrees,
because I know the loud, crowded, hectic environment inside the restaurant is
aggravating to him. I try to map out our
plans for the week and stick to them, because the structure and knowing what to
expect is comforting (this one is not hard for me, because I need it too). This
doesn’t mean I don’t try to help him overcome his anxiety, I just know what
battles to fight. There have been
several occasions where I’ve told him he has to do something he obviously wants
to but is afraid to do (birthday parties, joining a new team, etc), and I tell
him it is because he is stronger than the anxiety is and I refuse to let it
beat him. It’s a struggle sometimes, and
he may temporarily hate me, but in the end it always turns out for the good. And he’ll be the first to tell you that. I
know it works because I often have to force myself to do the same sorts of
things.
Ironically, having a child has helped me to overcome a lot
of my own anxiety, because I am forced to do things for him and consult with
people about him. The discovery that
singing out loud to my child in public would help to calm him was absolutely
horrifying to me, but I had to face my fear and do it for him. That one thing alone dissolved most of my
self-consciousness. As he’s gotten
older, the mutual understanding between us has done both of us a lot of
good. He knows to turn the radio down and
be quiet when I’m in a stressful driving situation, I know the right questions
to ask when he suddenly decides he’s not going to do something he’s been
dreaming about for years.
I apologize for the lack of usual humor in this blog, but to
me this is a very serious topic that often gets ignored, if not slammed as
something that is just a discipline or character problem. Please take it seriously in your loved ones.
Life isn’t always perfect or easy. That’s why they have wine.
