Some Things Never Change. Sometimes They Have To.

Some things never change.  Sometimes they have to.

I just stood there filled with anxiety, heart racing, face turned, eyes squinted, spoon pushed against the seam, just like I did the first time 40 years ago.  Yes, I was opening a can of crescent rolls.  To make probably the same thing I made that day, crescent roll wrapped hot dogs, the gourmet food of the 1970’s.  And of course I jumped when the can popped, the same way I have a hundred times.

Today, however, instead of a package of mystery meat hot dogs that cost less than $1, these were $5 organic turkey dogs.  Turkey dogs because those are the hot dogs my 14 year old likes, and if you give him other than that, he makes that same face you make when you take a sip of milk when you were expecting a Coke when he takes his first bite, because it is not what he was anticipating. 

Some things stay the same, some things don’t.

Three years ago, I found a school for my son where he truly fit in and could prosper.  Three years of middle school filled with great friends, little peer pressure, and where he went from failing a grade to being a straight “A” student.  Three years of no crying over homework, no drama with classmates, no negative calls or emails from teachers or the principal, no meetings about 504 plan accommodations.  Three years of a happy kid.  Three years that flew by in their pleasantness.

Three years later, however, that kid who was ecstatic at orientation that there was another boy shorter than him is now taller than me.  He buys his own expensive sneakers.  He eats more than anyone else in the house.  The last of his toys are in a couple boxes next to me, to be posted to sell on EBay. He wore cologne to school today.

This week I have to fill out paperwork indicating if he is returning to his school next year.  I am almost finished with the application for the school we intend to send him to instead.

He’ll be starting high school.

Sometimes things have to change.  While he could remain at his current school for high school, it is not college prep oriented and there is not a sports program.  Some things don’t change, he still has his neurological issues and learning disabilities.  Finding the balance between the two is scary, maybe even more for me than for him.

The school we found to be the best fit is in a different city.  On days I don’t have meetings, I’ll likely be working from the public library to save myself some gas and driving.  While he has a scholarship from the state for children with disabilities, the tuition is twice his scholarship amount, thus the boxes of stuff we are selling on EBay and the changes that have to be made to our budget.  While we know what to expect at his current school, next year is a mystery.  He doesn’t know any of the other students, any of the teachers, what his day will be like.

It’s a change, however, we need to make.  That’s why they have wine.  I’ll just have to remember not to expect it to be in my glass when I have milk instead.