Some things never change.
Sometimes they have to.
I just stood there filled with anxiety, heart racing, face
turned, eyes squinted, spoon pushed against the seam, just like I did the first
time 40 years ago. Yes, I was opening a
can of crescent rolls. To make probably
the same thing I made that day, crescent roll wrapped hot dogs, the gourmet
food of the 1970’s. And of course I
jumped when the can popped, the same way I have a hundred times.
Today, however, instead of a package of mystery meat hot
dogs that cost less than $1, these were $5 organic turkey dogs. Turkey dogs because those are the hot dogs my
14 year old likes, and if you give him other than that, he makes that same face
you make when you take a sip of milk when you were expecting a Coke when he
takes his first bite, because it is not what he was anticipating.
Some things stay the same, some things don’t.
Three years ago, I found a school for my son where he truly
fit in and could prosper. Three years of
middle school filled with great friends, little peer pressure, and where he
went from failing a grade to being a straight “A” student. Three years of no crying over homework, no
drama with classmates, no negative calls or emails from teachers or the
principal, no meetings about 504 plan accommodations. Three years of a happy kid. Three years that flew by in their
pleasantness.
Three years later, however, that kid who was ecstatic at
orientation that there was another boy shorter than him is now taller than
me. He buys his own expensive
sneakers. He eats more than anyone else
in the house. The last of his toys are
in a couple boxes next to me, to be posted to sell on EBay. He wore cologne to
school today.
This week I have to fill out paperwork indicating if he is
returning to his school next year. I am
almost finished with the application for the school we intend to send him to
instead.
He’ll be starting high school.
Sometimes things have to change. While he could remain at his current school
for high school, it is not college prep oriented and there is not a sports
program. Some things don’t change, he
still has his neurological issues and learning disabilities. Finding the balance between the two is scary,
maybe even more for me than for him.
The school we found to be the best fit is in a different
city. On days I don’t have meetings, I’ll
likely be working from the public library to save myself some gas and
driving. While he has a scholarship from
the state for children with disabilities, the tuition is twice his scholarship
amount, thus the boxes of stuff we are selling on EBay and the changes that
have to be made to our budget. While we
know what to expect at his current school, next year is a mystery. He doesn’t know any of the other students,
any of the teachers, what his day will be like.
It’s a change, however, we need to make. That’s why they have wine. I’ll just have to remember not to expect it
to be in my glass when I have milk instead.
