A Toast To My Mom

The other night, my 13 year-old son and I watched the Billboard Music Awards.  At least that is what it purported to be.  On a show where two young women of the Kardashian/Jenner family were of the handful of more conservatively dressed, I’m pretty sure this was either the Who-Can-Show-More-Skin or Who-Needs-More-Boob-Tape-To-Avoid-A-Wardrobe-Malfunction Awards.  When I got a break being from being annoyed by what is now considered award-winning music, all I could think about was “In this day when us women claim to want to be accepted for our whole selves, why do we find it more and more acceptable to exploit our physical selves?"

And then I read an article today about how Taylor Swift’s video, premiered on that show, was a tribute to feminism.  And that Taylor Swift herself was our modern day feminist all our young girls should be looking to.  And, well, she thinks that is exactly who she is.

………………………………………………………………………Eh, hum, er, excuse me.  Just writing that made me gag.  Again.

Paging Feminism, your definition is lost and looking for you.  Very lost.  So very lost.

I don’t have a daughter, but if I did, I would tell her the same thing I told my son after he asked “What the heck was that?” at the end of this supposedly world-changing video.  I would have said “Another song about how everything is someone else’s fault.  It takes two to have any kind of relationship.  It takes two to keep one, it takes two for one to not work out.  I’m not really wondering why her relationships don’t last.”  Like my son, hopefully she would chuckle at my bluntness at first, and then a moment later say, “Hmmm….”

And I haven’t even touched on the packages of tape needed for that video, or for her award night outfit….

(Right here, the males reading this are Googling.  And it’s not to read about how empowered she is.)

Yes, women should have an equal chance at success.  Yes, women should be free to express themselves through their dress.

However, contrary to popular feminist belief, we are not “empowering” our gender by showing as much skin as possible, in whatever situation available.  Rather, we have taken 139 steps, at least, backwards, screaming out “Someone look at me and find me pretty!  I need you to desire me, or I am worthless.”

We are not empowering our gender by putting down men in the name of “equality.”  If we really wanted to be equal, we would accept men for their flaws just as much as we demand they accept us for ours.

There are lots of other things we wouldn’t do either, but I’ll save that for another blog.

In the meantime, I’m grateful to my mom for teaching me to be classy, to be a lady, and to truly love myself for all the great gifts that I have.  I’m grateful to her for being a very intelligent, successful women who would never, ever exploit what she looked like to get ahead, and that she taught me that by working hard, I could be successful too.  I am grateful for her vetoing clothing that I wanted when I was a teen, as mad as it made me at the time.  I’m grateful I learned that if someone truly likes, wants, and desires you, it is because of who you are on the inside.  I’m grateful I was taught to believe in myself and that the only one who could keep me down is myself.  I’m grateful my mom showed me what it really is to be a feminist.

That’s why they have wine.

A Simple Lesson

In the third grade, my son’s teacher taught him what may be the greatest thing he’s learned in his life thus far:   If someone picks on you or insults you, say “Thank you.” 

That’s it.  The whole lesson.  Those two little words, however, carry a heck of a lot of power.

Try it sometime.  You don’t even have to say it out loud.  Just say it in your head and I bet you’ll have a hard time stifling a chuckle afterward…and you’ll have an entirely different attitude than you would if you hadn't said it.  You won’t be sitting there dwelling on their words, or look, or the fact that they ignored you, you will instead have regained your sense of control over the situation.  You will realize that the other person doesn't really have the power you would usually give them.

Then, the next time, say it out loud and really soak in that strange, but wonderful feeling, watching the look of complete confusion on their face while they are trying to figure out if you really used the word that started with "th" and not with "f."

I read an article earlier based on a very common concept in recent times….that we need to make other people behave better so that we, or our kids, or our neighbors, or some random subgroup of society, don’t feel bad.  That concept, as great as it sounds on the surface, is flawed.  We can’t force other people to change, to act how we want them to, to think differently.  You don’t have that control. You do,  however, have control over how YOU act and think, and you do have the ability to change that.

Self-esteem isn't based on what other people think of us.  It would be called What-Other-People-Think-of-Me-esteem if it was.  Change, all change, starts from within.

Stop worrying if you are saying the right thing, if your shoes are last-season, if you are having a bad hair day, if someone else has something you don’t.  Be the person that YOU are proud of, and if there is something about yourself that you don’t like, well, then change it.  Don’t make excuses, make a plan.

And say the "Th" phrase instead of the "F" one to anyone who tries to get in your way.  

Some days can still be hard, but that’s why they have wine.