We're All In This Together?

We’re all in this together.  It’s a very popular phrase.  But are we?

We’re not if you log into my Facebook account.  I see too many posts and articles that include the words and phrases “privileged,” “snowflake,” “sheeple,” “shaming”…And that is just in a support group for parents of kids with ADHD.  Add to that all the names people call various politicians, thinking they are being cute, the assumptions made of people in any named political, racial, gender, sexual preference, economic, or religious group.  Heck, we even categorize cat and dog people.

We’re all in this together.  Bull Freaking Crap.  We’re not.  And you know what, the majority of people don’t want to be.

You know what happens when you pick out one group or one person to be the “blame” of everything in your life?  It means you hand all your power over to them, every single bit of it.  You are saying you are helpless, because, well, THEM!  You are absconding all responsibility, and that is what I think makes it attractive to people.

In the last week, I read a comment on the aforementioned ADHD support group I joined that said that the parent didn’t care at all what the other kids in the class had to deal with (in their mixed class where there child with disabilities was with those that don’t have any), they had enough privilege, they just needed to cater to her kid, it didn’t matter if it negatively affected the other children.  To my amazement, and honestly, utter disgust, most people agreed.  I’m sorry, that is not “We’re all in it together.”  That is “My life is hard, and I’m deciding it’s harder than yours, so mine is the only one that matters, and, well, SCREW YOU!”  Yep, that is exactly what it says, and it happens in every area of life.

 

My child has ADHD, and a couple other acronym diagnoses.  He’s not special.  His education isn’t more important than anyone else’s.  It is AS important, but it is most certainly not MORE important.  Teaching him that the system is against him, that others might see him as less, that he deserves special things because other people have some stuff easier, all that would do is make him a victim with no motivation to make the best of his life.  Instead I’ve taught him that things may sometimes be harder for him than some others, but he is completely expected to do them anyway, to work hard, to not give up, to realize that if someone thinks he can’t do something doesn’t mean they are right.  He’s not a victim of his circumstances.  He’s an amazing human being and he knows it.

And then the rest of my Facebook feed, same theme, different privilege or people to blame.  It makes me frustrated, because that will never lead to change.

Our lives are our choices.  Make them wisely, and know that you are in charge.

That’s why they have wine.

Happy Mother's Day To Some Wonderful Kids!

On this Mother's Day, I'd like to acknowledge all of "my kids."

Yes, only one is biological, but there are so many others that hold a place in my heart:  My nieces and nephews, all the neighborhood kids who used to use my bathroom and drink out of my hose on the back patio of my condo and sometimes just came over to talk to me when my son wasn't even home, the baseball teammates that I drove to and from practice, the group of boys who used to run to my car in the school pickup line to say "Hey, Mom!" and who I still joke around with when they are playing PS4 online with my son, my son's best friend who came to Disney with us for Spring Break and played right along with my silliness and stupid jokes.  You all are amazing young adults, and I am blessed that you have been in my life.

This is what Mother's Day is really all about.  Mom's aren't special without their kids.

That's why they have wine.  Or, in the case of most of you who are still young, Pepsi.  Love you all!

Judge Not Lest Ye Be Judged

Judge not lest ye be judged.

Not only is this one of the most misinterpreted quotes in the bible (Jesus is talking about hypocrisy, not telling us to not use our brain), but it’s the Makes-Me-Better-Than-You popular sentiment these days.  (Did I mention hypocrisy?)

We all make judgements.  At least I hope we do.  If you do not, how do you know if you should be wary of a stranger?  How do you decide who to date?  How do you decide who is acceptable to babysit your kids?  How do you know if that investment is a good idea?  If we never drew conclusions based on dirty shoes or shifty eyes when talking or when someone just didn’t seem to belong, we’d have a heck of a lot more of unsolved crimes, like, well, all of them.

Judgments are necessary.  Some are inappropriate, say assuming someone is incapable of something because they are a certain gender or a criminal because of their race or a pervert because of their sexual orientation.  However, what reigns in those judgments in our society?  Chew on this a moment.  It’s the JUDGMENT on those people for their views.

Am I judgmental?  Sure I am.  So are you, whether you want to admit It or not.

And if you start a sentence with “I don’t judge…” I’m going to judge you as a liar, ignorant, or most likely, someone who wants to seem better than others.

Judge away at what I just said, that is your right.  We don’t have to agree.  Then actually try to live your life making no judgments whatsoever.  Good luck making it out of your driveway.

That’s why they have wine.  My judgment tells me that mine tastes pretty good.