But He's a Good Kid!

I just finished reading an article relating parental negligence to juvenile crime.  The point of the article:  we’ve lost our sense of accountability.

And the comments on the article pretty much proved the point.

Apparently, juvenile crime happens because “we” “forced” people to have babies.  Let’s think about this….

“We” is used to categorize society as a whole.  I am part of that society, so that implies I am guilty.  So if someone randomly shoots my child for fun, it was all my fault to begin with?  Wow, yep, what a way to have ZERO accountability.

In order to have a baby, you have to have sex.  So if I’m forcing people to have babies, I would have to be forcing them to have sex.  Why am I having trouble recalling these events?  And when do I find the time to do this, anyways?  I guess that explains why it’s sometimes hard to find time to have sex myself! 

If we avoid accountability, we can avoid blame.  If we avoid blame, we avoid guilt.  If we avoid guilt, we don’t feel bad about what we do.  If we don’t feel bad about what we do, we can do whatever we want and not feel responsibility for it.  See the way that works?  It perpetuates itself.  There is no reason for the behavior to stop.  It’s all someone else’s fault and we have no control.

And that’s why “we” have no control.  It’s the fault of Obama or the fault of the Republicans or the fault of religion A, religion B, or religion XYZ.  It’s the fault of a gun or lack of guns.  It’s because there are too many people on welfare or too many wealthy people.  It’s all because it rained when the sun was supposed to be out.

If we want to live somewhere that just doesn’t keep losing even more control, we need to realize a very simple fact.  People are responsible for their own behavior.  That’s it.  Period.

And if you have a child, you are responsible for teaching them that, whether you planned that child or not.  Grownups need to grow up, and people need to stop making excuses for them.

Yes, I know accountability and responsibility can be hard.  I also think it's extremely arrogant to think that others aren't capable of it.  And I know I'm probably not changing anyone's mind. 

That’s why they have wine.

 

Age. It's Just a Number

Age.   

What does it mean to you?

My son turns 12 today, I’m amazed and stunned and scared all at the same time.  He was just born, like YESTERDAY!  Really, it can’t have been 12 years.  It can’t be.  He’s still my baby!

And I am 12 years older.  And heck, I was old then, by first time mothering standards.  Strangely enough, that does not amaze, stun, or scare me at all.  I’m perfectly OK with my age.  I actually kind of embrace it.  Every year older I am, that is one year more of experience gained.  And one year more of insecurities lost.

A lot of women lie about their age.  That is a concept I just don’t get.  I don’t want to relive my 20, not at all.  In my 20’s I was insecure, financially unstable, and really didn’t know who I was.  In my 40’s, I don’t give a crap what you think of me, I don’t have to use a calculator in the grocery store to make sure I’m not spending too much, and I’m exactly who I want to be (well, maybe with a few more wrinkles than I deem necessary, but otherwise…).

When I was younger, I can remember looking at women my age and thinking how “free” they were.  The things that were important in your 20’s just no longer existed at that age, and I wanted to be there.  It’s OK if I don’t look like a supermodel, or don’t want to stay out all night partying, can take care of myself, or if I want to wear comfortable shoes.  And comfort, that’s where it’s at!  Ironically enough, I had a few teenagers compliment me on my Crocs sandals a couple of weeks ago….I just said “thank you” rather than reveal the fact that they liked something so uncool, but deep down inside I couldn’t help but wonder if they realized how nice it is to be older too.

I’m 45 and proud.  Proud enough that I say I’m almost 46, though my son corrects me and says you can’t say that unless you are within less than a month from your birthday.  He just doesn’t get it yet.  I love who I am, at whatever age I’m at. 

Enjoy life where you are at, wherever that is.  Raise your glass.  That’s why they have wine.

Don't Make Me Smack You

When I picked my son up from his summer program today, he was all excited to tell me about how he was telling the other kids how McDonald’s was not “real food” and that the nuggets were made from pink slime and that a REAL burger tasted so much better, and that his counselor was backing him up.

On the way home, we went to check out if the local ice cream place could supply us with an ice cream cake for Aiden’s birthday that did not have artificial coloring.  He is allergic, his lips and tongue swell if he eats it.  While we were out, he informed me that he used to think things like colorful cakes looked so good, but now he just really finds them disgusting, “who wants to eat blue food?”

We eat a very good diet 95% of the time (we do sometimes eat outside our home, but we try to still make good choices).  We get all our produce from an organic delivery company.  I only buy meat and dairy that is hormone and antibiotic free.  We eat cage-free eggs. We obviously eat no artificial colors.  We eat very little processed foods. We try to avoid gluten as it causes Aiden gastrointestinal problems. We don’t eat things whose ingredients we wouldn’t stock in our own kitchen.

Which is why it makes me extremely irritated that the cause of ADHD is diet and the cure is to change it.  It is the single most thing that makes me want to smack people upside the head. 

"Link" and "cause" are not the same word.  And there is word "mimic" that most people choose to ignore.  I completely believe that artificial colors may cause hyperactivity, I believe none of us need them in our food, and I believe it should be banned in our country like it is in many others.  I also know that ADHD is much, much, much (I can’t say “much” too many times) more than hyperactivity, in fact if you have ADHD-Inattentive type, like my son does, you don’t have the hyperactivity component at all.  If a child's problems are all caused by artificial coloring, thank the Lord you have an easy solution by cutting them out, they are just sensitive to it. Sensitivity to artificial colors can mimic ADHD.  Mimic.  Again something I cannot say too many times. If your child shows symptoms, cut them out to see if it helps.  If it does, that is wonderful. However, be aware that taking them away is NOT the cure for ADHD, and if your child has it, it may not make a difference.  It is a neurological disorder.  No child is perfect, and some have harder things to overcome.  My pre-teen son can understand that, he’ll discuss it with anyone and offer comfort and advice to other kids that have it.  Why is it so difficult for adults to get?

And that’s why they have wine.  And as a bonus, it's artificial color free.

The Politics of Medicine

My son attended baseball camp this week at the University of South Florida.  Throughout the week, there were parents who stayed and watched from the stands for the day.  My son asked if I could please come and watch too, so I took this morning off of work to do so, especially because they were doing an award ceremony at the end of the camp day.  I am glad I did, because when they awarded the “Bull of the Week” award (school mascot is a bull) to a child who showed good character, behavior, and a “cannon for a left arm,” my child’s name came at the end of the sentence.

It was an awards ceremony I might have missed because I unexpectedly had to run all over town thanks to the adults who don’t show good character and behavior, and the regulations that have been put in place because of them.

In his eagerness, Aiden has been the first child to arrive at camp all week, and today was no exception.  Since he arrived 30 minutes before activities even started, I told him I was going to run up to the pharmacy and get his prescription filled, and I’d be back as things were starting.  Big mistake.

Aiden’s prescription is for an ADHD medication, a medication which not only improves his focus and decreases his frustration and tendency to get overwhelmed, it has some unexpected effects like handwriting which now can actually be read and shoes which, at a week before his 12^th birthday, he can now tie.  He’s been on it for just a few weeks over a year, a year in which he has been a visibly happier, less anxious child.  After already using behavior modification techniques and diet changes which have helped quite a bit, the addition of the medication has made a tremendous difference in the quality of his life.

It is classified by our government as a Schedule II Controlled Substance.  As such, it is subject to certain restrictions.  Prescriptions cannot be called or faxed in, they must be presented in hard copy form, and there can be no refills allowed.  This means I have to drive to the doctor’s office on the other side of the city (pediatric neurologists are certainly not a dime a dozen!) every month to pick one up, and drop it off and wait for it at the pharmacy instead of being able to just request a refill and have it waiting when I arrive.  Before this morning, I thought that was the biggest nuisance I had to endure.

I had actually gone to the pharmacy to fill the prescription earlier this week, and they were out of his medication. The pharmacy tech told me they got orders in on Tuesdays and Thursdays, so could I come back later in the week.  No big deal, he had enough to last until this morning, as long as I could get it filled before he left for his dad’s for the weekend, we were good.  When I went in this morning, they still didn’t have it, and there was whispering going on between the tech and the pharmacist and careful scrutinization of the prescription.  I was again told orders come in on Tuesdays and Thursdays and to check back. 

At this point, I was a bit frustrated.  I needed the medication today.  I asked if they could please call their store a couple of miles away and see if they had it in stock.

“Well…..”

“Yes?”

“We can call, but they won’t tell us.”

“Excuse me, you have done this for me before?  Maybe not this particular medication, but the last time my son was sick you did it for me.”

“It’s a controlled substance, no pharmacy will tell you unless you present the prescription.  And the prescription has to be a good prescription.  It has to have everything on it that it is supposed to.”

“Is there a problem with the prescription?  This is the same prescription from the same doctor that I bring in to this same pharmacy every month at this same time.”

“No, you have a good prescription.”

“Okay….so, can I get 30 of the 10 mg and a 30 of the 5 mg if you don’t have the 15 mg?”

“Only if you have prescriptions particularly for those.”

“So, can you tell me if you have those in stock before I drive across town and ask the doctor to re-write the prescriptions.”

“No, we have to see the actual prescription before we can tell you.”

I left the bottle of sunscreen I was going to purchase on the counter, and completely forgot to pick up my prescription for my hormone pills that was waiting there, and left to drive on to the next pharmacy. 

It was only 9 am, but I did almost detour into the wine aisle for some reinforcements.

An hour later, I had repeated the same scenario at 3 other pharmacies, and still had not filled the prescription.

One last try. 

“Can you tell me if you have this in stock?  And if you don’t, is it worth my time to continue going from pharmacy to pharmacy to ask?  You are the 5^th pharmacy I’ve tried this morning.  I took the time off of work to go watch my son play baseball and I’m missing it because no one can fill his prescription and no one can tell me when they can and no one can tell me who has it.  He took the last one this morning.”

I don’t know if it was my plea, or the tears in my eyes that did it, but I finally found a pharmacist who would give me some real answers. 

Florida seems to attract a lot of the bad element.  I heard a preacher once say that maybe it was because it was “so hot, the demons get it confused with hell.”  Whatever the reason, there are a lot of problems with painkiller abuse….and doctors and pharmacies that unethically and illegally make them easy to get. So, besides the federal regulations, the state also has their own, and the result is that pharmacies get only a certain “allotment” of Schedule II medications, and once they’ve reached that allotment, well, their customers are just out of luck.  They can be red-flagged as dispensing what the DEA considers more than average, and no one has to supply them (based only on numbers, no consideration whatsoever to how many customers may have prescriptions for a certain thing that use that pharmacy.)  A CUSTOMER can be red-flagged for filling too many prescriptions, even if it is a valid medical reason with valid prescriptions, just because the pharmacist feels they should be red-flagged, something visible to all pharmacies who can then legally refuse to fill a prescription.  And, the best information I received, the major pharmaceutical supplier in this area was flagged by the DEA a little over a year ago, and any pharmacy which uses them as their supplier can no longer get Schedule II medications.  At all.  Once they are out of stock, they are out of stock. 

A lot of these regulations sound great when you are thinking about cracking down on the people doing illegal things.  They really suck when a child can’t get the medication that improves his life.

That 5^th pharmacy, they cancelled their contract with that supplier and begin with a new one on Monday.  They have sent in a special order for my child’s medication, it should be here by Wednesday, per a new regulation that allows a pharmacy to fill for a particular customer even if they have exceeded their quota, something none of the other pharmacies offered to do.  I have 5 capsules of his old dose, at least he can take that until that time.  And I have a new pharmacy, one that doesn’t just assume I am (or my child is!) a criminal just because I have a prescription for a controlled substance in my hand, but rather chooses to treat me with integrity and my child with compassion.

My ID had to be scanned and sent to the DEA to do this, and perhaps I am already red-flagged because I’ve filled a controlled substance for the 13^th time, but my child will have his medication, and I didn’t miss him getting his award at camp.

And that’s why they have wine!  Even if I’ve had to wait hours to have a glass.